Thursday, May 13, 2010

Shhh: Don't Tell Anyone

The Matron's GUILTIEST pleasure is to work on on the elliptical machine while watching Ellen! Here's one of many examples why. Stay tuned in long enough for the actual song!

Ellen? Ellen? Have you seen this?

We're ready for that free trip to L.A. and fame?!

He's pretty talented too. And the UPS driver that came today? Knew Scruffy from youtube fame.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Stage Mother

Guess who sat in a high school auditorium for FIVE HOURS tonight, waiting for the longest callback in the history of theater to end?

Redeeming factors are twofold.

First, she had her laptop and there was wi-fi.

Second, the show is Oliver. Guess who was one of two children narrowed down as Oliver (and asked to stay longer and sing more) -- one boy and one girl -- for that very role.

Keep your fingers crossed! Unfortunately -- or fortunately -- there are substantial conflicts in your favorite thespian's schedule. The family is taking a major summer road trip that will include Wicked on Broadway.

Scarlett would sell her soul for this. She currently inhales Glee as fuel.

Stage Mother actually possessed the Matron tonight because the busy community college teacher Matron has close to 85 papers to grade by Monday. She also likes to do a good job, so there's that whole time thing.

She spent a total of seven hours driving children today. Do other people do this? That's sort of a serious question.

Thank God-Buddha-Oprah-Allah-Universe she can function on adrenaline alone. Who needs sleep?

And so far, Merrick does not have lice. The Matron sent him to school in a plastic hair net. Not really, but there's that whole fantasy life again . . . .

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Two Current Issues with the Public Schools

First, Xcel Energy has designed the curriculum for Scarlett's sixth grade classroom. Scarlett came home with a huge package of Xcel Energy guidance for changing your showerhead and for worshipping all things huge corporation. Her homework? Understanding all things Xcel energy. This fusion of corporate America and public education bothers the Matron as much as Coke in the lunchroom.

Scarlett is required to basically become an Xcel Board Member in order to complete this week's school assignments. Truly -- home work is a box with XCEL ENERGY on it. Maybe the children will be defending a tremendous oil spill next.

The teacher seems relieved that there's no work involved for her.

The second?


Ten out of twenty in Merrick's room. Guess who is under the bed in a panic with mayonaisse on her head?

Monday, May 10, 2010

The Internet is Full of Surprises


The Matron had planned on blogging about Satan's Familiar and his obsession with the mail woman/man, but while scanning for that youtube video, she discovered an ENTIRE SERIES of 'interactive home tour' videos featuring her very own house!

And this?

And this? Um. . .she thinks she recognizes that cell phone and those hands.

Welcome to her world. Aside from the unruly garden (she hates nature and refuses to maintain it) at least it looks semi-clean.

And why is Merrick's voice in every video?

John? He Who Cannot Be Named? You two have some explaining to do. . .