Friday, June 26, 2009

Why She Loves Him

The Matron has a friend who gives David Sedaris a run for the money, on a daily basis. This friend, except for the voice, probably IS David Sedaris in hiding, they are that much alike.

So she calls him -- at work - -this morning. He is currently toiling as a receptionist at a law firm.

Matron: "Good morning, honey!"

David Sedaris In Hiding: "Darling! Let me tell you about my cat's latest attempt to take my life. Oh damn. That phone. What are these people thinking! Hold on a minute."

da-da-da-da holding. . . .

DSIH: "Can you believe the nerve, some of these people, calling? Where was I? Good God! Someone is walking in the door.!! Oh my GOD now I have to deal with this dunce. Hang on a minute. . . "

da-da-da-dah waiting. . . .

DSIH: "I'm back! Got rid of him, snap crackle pop! Listen, did I send you the link to the pornographic nun site yet? There is just NO LIMIT to what some people will do, darling. And at least the critics are remembering Farrah as a serious actress. It is a burden to be born with amazing hair -- I know! We suffer great jealousies. Great jealousies."

Matron: "Your hair IS terrific, sweetie. I'm sorry that's been so hard."

DSIH: "Beauty! A burden only those suffering can appreciate. . . OH MY GOD that damn phone! I think I'm going to answer "sewage storage site." How fun! Hang on a minute while I get rid of this one lickety split."

Ah yes. A whole new twist to the concept of reception. Love you, darling! Happy Friday to us all!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Thank You Buddha-God-Universe-Oprah-Allah and Not Necessarily in that Order

Merrick's irregular heartbeat got its second opinion today. This doctor agreed with the first: he's fine! The little ticker's tic is just not a serious issue. He'll need to head to the cardiologist for an annual check-up but the deal is sealed: this is something he'll outgrow.

Thanks to everyone who offered reassurances!! Now, if you're one of Merrick's grandmothers and you're currently reading this: it's okay to stop calling and asking if he's alive!

You know who you are. And thanks for pestering her into remembering to make that appointment. . . .

Seven Deadly Sins

The Matron is forever dropping the meme ball! She's been tagged a few times but has discovered she's thematically challenged.

But one of the Matron's favorite neighbors recently tossed her a little riff on the Seven Deadly Sins. Now that's a game she can play!

Here goes:

The meme is sinful: "Sometimes you can learn more about a person by what they don't tell you. Sometimes you can learn a lot from the things they just make up. If you are tagged with this meme, lie to me. Then tag 7 other folks (one for each sin) and hope they can lie."

What is your biggest contribution to the world?

What do your coworkers have that you wish was yours?

Larger class sizes and more students!

What did you eat last night?

Excuse her while she removes that I.V. drip of chocolate from her vein. Uh, where were we?

What really lights your fire?

He'll keep the boots on and they'll have that exact audience.

What is the last thing that really pissed you off?

The Matron does not experience anger.

Name something you hoard and keep from others.

Secret super effective swine flu vaccine

What is the laziest thing you ever did?

After the birth of her third child, the Matron alerted the hospital staff to the fact that she was staying in the hospital--and in bed-- as LONG as humanly (administratively) possible and then she handed the newborn to a nurse and asked for a sleeping pill.


Let's see how Cheri, Jenn, Daisy, Ree, JCK, Sherry, and Suburban do. . . .

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Team Player?

Part of the picture shaping yesterday's existential funk, had nothing to do with matter or molecule or the meaning of being, but was the landscape of more ordinary concern.

Over this one.

Here he is, cute as all get out, getting the very chic Kindergarten Graduate button applied to his little lapel.

Here he is doing what he does best at school: instead of paying attention, he's trying to chat up the cute blond next door!

The Matron has admitted -- more than once -- concern over Merrick's complete disinterest in the all important Word. Books are made for stacking, climbing and conquering in the physical sense.

Imagine the following taking place against a backdrop of weaponry, dog assault, gymnastics, and the all time favorite (and THE 'push Mama's buttons' game) The Pummeling Thrashing Fighting Brothers.

"Merrick! Could I read this new library book to you? Look at the cool firetruck on the cover."

"Merrick! Did you see this cool book I bought you? Wow! I can't stand it, this is so funny."

"Merrick! Do you want to snuggle on the couch and read for awhile? With cookies? Candy?"

"Merrick. I'll give you $5 if you sit here and read a book with me."

This child -- as children will do, Free Will and all that damn it -- is not adhering to the Family Narrative, regarding narrative!

But the Matron is pretending that she's all sanguine and 'it's just a matter of time' and not concerned about her youngest's anti-academic bent. The disinterest in reading extends to the general field of School, except for gym, lunch and recess. Whereas the Matron has never been able to LEAVE school for more than a summer. Sometimes she reads French Feminist Semioticians, just for fun!

Remember the glory days, academics in the room?

Sweet digression. . .

So while the Matron is trying to be sanguine and to see the Life Lesson in being allotted her polar opposite as a child, she got her son's teacher assignment for the next THREE YEARS. In their public Montessori classroom, students are in the same room with the same teacher for three years. It's a lovely mix of ages and creates a great community, providing you get the right teacher for your child.

Here she needs to tread carefully because she's not quite sure who's reading.

So let's say, hypothetically, that your child is assigned to a teacher who you believe is NOT a good fit for your child? Let's also flesh out this Scenario and pretend that your older two children scream in terror of said teacher assignment and also Protest: Bad Match. This is a teacher who is the only one out of the bunch that you felt would NOT work out. Not because he/she is a bad teacher (far from it) but there is that Matronly Mama Maternal Gut Level Radar beeping in the worst way.

Sigh . . . .

Let's also say you have a reputation for serving the greater good in that school and being willing to follow the rules -- not one of the parents who stand up and scream: ME, ME, ME and my child!!! Pretend that your child and family are a welcome addition to a classroom that might need an influx of new blood and parental involvement.

Moving a child out of an assigned Montessori classroom -- in this school's culture -- is no easy task.

What would you do, readers? Make the fuss up front and start the process now? Or give the teacher and his/her classroom, a chance?

The Matron feels the stakes here are high, as her guy needs to turn around his beliefs about the unpalatable nature of school rather than having that view reinforced.

Monday, June 22, 2009

The Mood She's In

Need she say more?

The Matron was born into a state of existentialist angst that STILL fits her like kid gloves. Sigh.

Back with better news tomorrow!