Thursday, November 4, 2010

Home Schooling 102

Here is the Matron, busily working at home -- at the dining room table, because the Musical Bed situation has rendered her off-the-bedroom office frequently unavailable.

She has been up since 5:30 a.m.

First, sending off HWCBN into the morning darkness at 6:30.

Then dropping off Merrick at school.

Digression! Do readers know Merrick's nickname, once referred to with some regularity on this blog? For origins of said nickname, scroll back even farther to two weeks after his birth.

Matron: "Scarlett, what do you think of your new baby brother? Isn't he beautiful?"

Scarlett ( who is four and a half): "Not really. His head looks like a big chunk of meatloaf."

Matron: "And do you love him?"

Scarlett: "Not yet. I actually half hate him and maybe a quarter love him."

Thus was born the nickname Meatloaf Head. To this date, Merrick is referenced in family calendars and in parental conversations as MLH, the fond acronym for Meatloaf Head.

Back to the present and the narrative. So Meatloaf Head gets to school. Then the Matron drives Scarlett to Minneapolis for her performance--and shuttles home in a major hurry for the one thing she loves best: privacy! Being alone in the house!

Yes, it is better than sex when you're 48 and live with four other people (three of whom need you quite a bit), one sixty pound blood hound puppy and Satan's Familiar. An even better day would be if the dogs escaped.

John (phone call from his office): "Um, Mary? I was thinking of coming home for lunch. Is that okay?"

Matron: "NO. No human contact, nothing -- I just need a couple of hours."

John: "You got it, babe." What a good guy! But let it be known that there is one person in the house who actually thinks sex IS better than solitude so he tries to be nicer than he feels some days.

So here is the Matron, after all this fuss, finally working at the dining room table, enjoying the solitude and peace.

Until . . . .

Beep, beep!

Text message from Scarlett: "Mom what are u doing right now?"

Beep, beep!

Text message from Scarlett: "i am backstage waiting for my scene. can you call a friend for me?"

Text message from Scarlett: "can u call my old school to see if i can visit 2day after the show?"

Text message from the Matron: "Stop texting me! We'll talk when I pick you up."

Text message from Scarlett: "why? what r u doing. this is kind of important."

So it goes. .. the Matron is loath to turn off her cell phone, as there are other children and this is the main route for emergencies. Meaning the child that never goes to school can now conveniently never leave her alone, either (unless she's on some stage).


Daisy said...

If Merrick is meatloaf head, which child is Potatohead?

Xtreme English said...

People don't realize how precious solitary time is to housewives. My husband and his coworker stopped by the coworker's house one afternoon about 2:30 p.m. The coworker's wife had just arrived home from HER job and hollered, "You get the hell out of here! I'm not ready for you yet."

So the guys got out and went to a bar until the coworker felt it was safe to put in another appearance.

Karen (formerly kcinnova) said...

My college son will text me 6 times in a row but does he bother to actually TALK on the phone? No. *sigh*
Apparently texting does not constitute talking or otherwise meaningful communication. Surely there must be some way to get through to your daughter that you will turn in to the wicked witch if she does not give you time to yourself.
When you figure it out, please let me know how I can get through to my son that texting does not constitute communicating with his parents! (Although at this point, I'd just be happy if he remembered to text us once a week.)

Gail said...

There will come a time when you remember all this with GREAT fondness. As irritating as it is, it will pass and you'll wish those 3 called, texted, dropped by like they used to.

Anonymous said...

Makes you kind of miss the olden days when they needed a quarter and a pay phone to get in touch when they weren't home...

Memarie Lane said...

What I got out of this: You mean I still have to have sex when I'm 48????? WAhh!