Monday, August 23, 2010

The New Kid in Town

There is one.

He is a sixty-five pound, seven-month old puppy and he joined the Matron's family yesterday around noon.

Satan's Familiar moved in under the kitchen table and hasn't left.

The new dog is mostly some kind of hound dog (with a little lab) whose energy level has meant that he's ripped through three adoptions and two foster families. The Matron simply handed that beast over to He Who Cannot Be Named and Merrick. All three slept well last night.

Dog's Foster Mom: "Oh, I feel like this guy just won the lottery! You all work from home, three kids, fenced in backyards, you're a runner! This is just idyllic!"

After she left, the vomit and fights began. The dog instantly ate compost. This was not a good idea.

Merrick: "Can I wide him?"

HWCBN: "Can I give him a bath?"

Merrick: "Can I set up a cawt behind him?"

HWCBN: "Can I brush him?"

Oh the love fest. The Matron predicts this will last approximately 48 hours and then guess who will be picking up horse-size poop in the backyard?

Not her.

But she'll be the one forcing someone else to do it.

This morning, the new dog tripped the light fantastic with the Matron, along her side during the daily run. She also fed him. She gave him treats and rubbed his belly. He follows her everywhere.

Satan's Familiar remains under the kitchen table, cowering in fear.

HWCBN: "MOM!! You are bribing this dog to love you most!"

Matron: "Bribery is my actual parenting strategy and it works well for animals, too. If you want to rise at 6 am and feed and run the dog, he will love you best. I promise."

A few minutes of meditation.

HWCBN: "If you're bribing us, when was my last big payout? Don't you think I'm due?"

Matron: "Your last big payout is in the living room chewing Dad's wallet."

Pictures coming tomorrow . . . now she just needs a really kick-ass name. Ideas?


MJ said...

Considering the anticipated deliveries outdoor, I suggest "Lou" as a name for your new foster dog.

Anonymous said...

Hmmm... some form of the word "bribery" comes to mind...

Anonymous said...

Your responses to your son are priceless. Remember when we wanted to be adults so we could rule? He still thinks we do (for a little while, anyway).

LIndaSueA said...

I suggest Strider as a name.

ilyanna said...

Chewbacca (Chewie)
Bandit (as in slot machine, payout. yes, my mind does work in strange ways)

Anonymous said...

My first thought was Moose, but then I thought since your kids all have such unique names, it would be funny to give him an ordinary name like Bob :)

Congrats on the new addition to the family.

Shawn Paulson said...

I vote for d'Artagnan!

Anonymous said...

Wow, you are SUCH a good mom--ANOTHER DOG! I am in awe. I'm still digging in my heels here, and we have a lot more yard for the poop than you do!

Anonymous said...

If our pooch would not already have had a name when we got he, we would have gone with Indiana Bones.