Tuesday, August 24, 2010

The Maternal Body

Yes, dear readers -- there is much to say. Stage Mother is returning this week (full of angst and a new busy schedule), the Lice Chronicles are moving into syndication, and then there's the enormous puppy who is able to climb onto the kitchen table and eating everything. And then vomit.

What a fun week ahead!

But tonight, the Matron is more somber. She's sitting here at the kitchen table, pondering the aging body.

Earlier today, one of her children came barreling into the bathroom, where the Matron was recovering from a shower (recovering because the hot water didn't really work all that well -- more fodder).

Matron: "Hey! I'm naked. Just a warning."


The horror quite literally bounded off the walls and all parties were involved in projectile terror.

She knows it's normal for children of a certain age and gender to run screaming from any body part not visible on the beach. But still -- what about the owner of the offending body?

Now, your intrepid narrator is a wee thing -- she weighs in at the very low end of the scale. Yet. . . .

There's that tire around the belly.

Breasts? Formerly pronounced. Now saggy acorn bits with sponge texture (and much smaller than anything you would use to clean the sink).

When she was a Young Miss, the Matron was aglow and basked in the delights of the flesh. Now, she mostly tries to hide it with pretty candles and just the right degree of exhaustion.

Now, she looks at lines in the mirror. The sagging skin. Notices how 'not noticed' she is anymore.

And it's not fair to stay the same weight for 25 years and have a stomach bigger than your breasts!

Growing up is hard to do.


Anonymous said...

I was thinking exactly the same thing not an hour ago!
Next we can discuss why hair gets thinner and nails get thicker as we age. Jenny

Anonymous said...

Full Fall schedule, check.
Aging body, big belly, check, check.
Pet vomit (mine's a cat), check.

Hang in there.

Candles are GOOD. I can hardly wait for cooler weather so I can light some after a hot shower.
It's been so hot I willingly take lukewarm showers.

Deb said...

My breasts look like empty pillowcases. And all that filling has sunk to my hips and thighs. Same weight as high school, though. Sigh.

A flat stomach has been the only thing I have loved about my body since high school. Unfortunately, as I get older, and am apparently beginning to shrink, there is no longer a flat platter there any more. Just a slightly mounded round that looks like jello that didn't set.


smalltownme said...

Ugh, the effects of gravity! The one good thing about my aging process is that I don't have hairy legs any more.

Cyndi B. said...

sigh...in complete agreement.

I just lost 40 lbs and instead of being happy, all I'm seeing is aging and gravity.

However, smalltownmom, I'm looking forward to not being able to shave my legs anymore...bonus! Thanks for the positive spin!!

Irene said...

The benefit of growing older is that at one point you stop caring so much and your whole attitude changes. You don't look for excuses anymore, but just let it all hang out. Honestly!

MJ said...

Okay. Enough.

Everyone lie down on your back on the floors. Raise your legs into the air and use your arms/elbows to hoist your lower body higher in the air.

Experience that result.

Reflect a moment.

Recline and return to standing or sitting.

As everything falls back into place, re-reflect on how you now love gravity. Sometimes all we need is a little different perspective.

Anonymous said...

I have lost weight, and my waist is bigger, but sitll, Nora is right. At 58, I no longer obsess about how I wish my body looked. With that comes sexual inhibition, which is a wonderful thing. That and the no leg hair thing - these are the golden years.

Kirsten said...

Ok, this seems like an appropriate time to tell you what Miles said that I couldn't post on fb. On seeing me naked "Those thingies are just CRAZY! They're like rocks on cliffs! How did you grow them that big?"