Worried about global warming?
You and five million other people, including the non-believers who want to bop the supposedly lefties and all serious scientists on their warped heads and hang on for The Rapture. That's actually why we're heating up. That Rapture is serious heat.
Most people worry about the obvious. Global warming (is she or isn't she?). Or the war in Afghanistan, peace in the Middle East, domestic violence or Jon versus Kate (nobody seems to be much concerned about the 8).
The more eclectic among us? The Matron is worrying for you, sensitive friend.
Here's what's keeping her up at night.
The U.S Prison System. Things are not good, folks. Keep up this pace and many many low income men and men (and increasingly women) of color will be jailed instead of getting whatever else kind of help they need. Some scholars (Eric Schlosser also wrote Fast Food Nation) and activists have labelled our current system the Prison Industrial Complex. Worry about housing millions of human beings whose main problems are that they are A) not white B) poor and C) have substance abuse problems.
Lock 'em up and toss away the key!
The second thing that keeps her up at night are DIOXINS!!! These dirty little endocrine disruptors are just around every corner, in every bottle of water or can of beans, waiting to make your X hormone pretend it's a Y or otherwise Shake Rattle and Roll the delicate balance of the hormonal system. If you're not aware of Theo Colborn's work, better go here. You'll never microwave plastic again (Dear God-Buddha-Oprah-Universe-Allah DO NOT MICROWAVE PLASTIC).
The final thing that gives the Matron stomach-clenching, sweating chills of anxiety at night? Keen shoes. These are all ablaze in popularity, especially the loopy sandal sort. People! Are you visually impaired? These shoes are ugly. As in - ugh.
Comfort be damned. These are the most god-awful footwear the Matron has laid eyes on. Puh-leeze. Find some good boots, women.
Don't even get her going on keeping up with Michelle Obama's biceps.
So for those of you who just can't jump onto the global warming band wagon or who are so war-weary you can't worry there anymore, or who don't care that Donny Osmond is the new king of dance?
The Matron's got your back.
Hadron Collider, anyone?