Monday, December 21, 2009

Complete Psychological Collapse (again)

The Matron and her husband are card-carrying Buddhists.

Literally. They are both in possession of plastic squares pronouncing them proud members of Clouds in the Water Zen Center.

So why is the Matron pulling out her hair over holiday gifts for the children's teachers (needed tomorrow) and SANTA'S impending visit -- not to mention the whole CHRISTMAS day fiesta with family and friends?

Probably because your intrepid Matron was born into a family of Scots-- all Catholic. And she married a second-generation Polish Catholic man with -- hold on to your bloomers -- 73 FIRST COUSINS.

These people do not believe in birth control or sleeping.

Here is the Matron at her very own wedding of 400 people, 300 of which were John's relatives. Mostly she walks up to complete strangers with dark hair and good looks and says "Who are you?"

This is why she is currently rocking in the closet. With vodka. Okay, not really the vodka part but it makes her sound so, well, like steel. Which she isn't. It's white wine and after two glasses she starts drooling and crawling toward bed.

Too much family, too much to do. Ring a bell? She'll be here and there and less reliable than the normal daily posts until the big holiday that she does and doesn't celebrate (but Santa and family come!) has passed.

Sound familiar? Cheers, everyone!!


Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Breathe. Santa would want you to.

MidLifeMama said...

That is too many cousins. All but one of my aunts/uncles had two kids each. The one that didn't had 8. But they are the weirdos in the family.

I give you permission to not do any of it. You still will, but at least you have permission not to. OK, give the teachers a gift, like a gift card to a local restaurant or something, but that is it. You don't need to do anything else.

Irene said...

Don't do it, Matron. Absolutely refuse to. It is unheard of to buy that many presents for that many people. Just say the money is all gone. You have my permission to bow out completely and you are a Buddhist, after all. Surely you're not falling for all this commercialized Santa crap?

Jaelithe said...

Found you through Double Sifted. Having married into an enormous Catholic family myself, I am also finding quiet enclosed spaces and alcoholic beverages are my friends at gift-buying / huge partying / name-remembering time.

When I married my husband six years ago I asked for a flow chart so I could keep track of the first and second and first-once-removed cousins. I'm still waiting on it . . .

Anonymous said...

Good luck! Hope you make it through.

Anonymous said...

What we expect of ourselves is RARELY what others expect of us.
Relax, buy some cookies, repackage and say Ho Ho HO! On December 26th,
breathe deep and know you made it through without too much damage!
Carry on! Peace and blessings to you and yours. Bramble

MJ said...

Intriguing to read how a non-Christian "celebrates" the season. I don't understand the need or the expectation of others to participate in a Christian holiday. I understand that it is hard to avoid, but even my Muslim friends from other countries to some extent celebrate Xmas, including the exchange of seasonal cards. It has become an expensive secular holiday.

Good luck!

Sue said...

My two unattainable wishes for the holiday season:
Peace on Earth
No more Christmas presents, thank you, no one needs anything and this is getting ridiculous!