Sunday, October 19, 2008

Scarlett, This isn't Helping

Wednesday night, the Matron picked up her 10 year old daughter in the blue-black mystery of Minnesota October night after 9 pm. Actually, they started out in Wisconsin and journeyed back to the Minnesota Mother Ship.

On the freeway, the van flew, one more set of head light, hurtling between narrow white lines at high speeds.

Scarlett: "Mama?"

Matron: "Yes?"

Scarlett: "Where's your cell phone?"

Matron (squinting into the impossibly dark night and revving the engine): "Uh. . in my purse."

Scarlett: "Where exactly in your purse?"

Matron: "Uh, the little pocket right at the top but also in the back. Do you know what I mean?"

Scarlett: "Can I feel it? Just to be safe?"

The Matron tosses her purse and phone is located.

Few minutes later.

Scarlett: "If you pass out or die all of a sudden, should I dial 911?"

Matron: "Well, I sure would."

Scarlett: "Because I'm not sure of an area code, do I get to dial 9-1-1 no matter where we are?"

Matron: "Yes! Just dial 911."

Scarlett: "And if you pass out or die, would you pull over to the side of the road first? Or is there a danger that the car will just keep driving?"

Matron: "If I pass out or die, I would TOTALLY pull over to the side of the road first, hand you the cell phone, and then pass out or die. That's how it works."

Scarlett: "Good! I was kind of worried about that whole dying while driving, because what would happen to me? If I knew where the brake was, that would be different."

Matron (understanding how little the actual Mother mattered in this whole Dramatic Scene): "Yes. That would be different."

Scarlett: "Because I could stop the van and save myself."

Matron: "That's right. But nothing's going to happen."

Scarlett: "But after you pull over to pass out or die, should I call Daddy first or 911?"

Matron (oh my GOD! can this conversation be completed!!!!): "You should 100% definitely call 911, not Daddy."

Scarlett: "That's what I thought. And I've been noticing these big green signs with names on them, like Highway 694 and Radio Drive. When you pull over to pass out or die, would those signs tell the police where to find me?"

Matron: "Absolutely!"

Scarlett: "Well, I'm going to keep watching them then. Thanks, Mama! And I'll tell the 911 worker to call Daddy."

And the Matron did not pull over to pass out or die. Not that she worries.


Suburban Correspondent said...

Her concern is touching, isn't it?

Rima said...

I like it! Shows she's thinking . . .

Lynda said...

Scarlett is something else - gotta' love her!

Cheri @ Blog This Mom!® said...

Put a GPS device on the poor dear's ankle and be done with it.

Heather said...

feelin' the love.

M said...

Oh god I am laughing myself silly. Your 10 yo and my 10 yo would make a good match. What is it with 10yos? Is it hormonal do you think?

smalltownme said...

Eek! She's articulating what I thought about as I drove all summer... but I'm better now.

Becky said...

So funny! But, um, is this conversation related to your husband's asking you if you would take a driving course? (ducking) Just asking:)

Nora said...

I continue to be amazed at the intelligence of your children.

Lynda said...

There's a bloggy award for you at my place - congrats!

bobbi said...

I'm completely in love with your blog. And your daughter too...

Unknown said...

How did my daughter get in your van???

Julie said...

You should be relieved now that you've got proper procedure clearly understood for when you pass out and die pulled over on the side of the road! :)

Daisy said...

And she pulled this out of her hat while you were driving. Uh-huh.

Tootsie Farklepants said...

OMG she's me!

Am I doing okay? said...

In a few more years it'll be: "After you pass out and die, can I have the car?"

Irene said...

She is a very bright child who covers all the possibilities. You should be proud of her.