Monday, October 20, 2008

Administrative Bling

The Matron likes applause.

Has she told this story? Good heavens! She absolutely cannot remember! Considering her labels are each a confusing string of "Mary, Politics, Scarlett Bedtime, War and Peace, Let's Eat Toast" and "Meatloaf Mary, Teaching, Grandma, Yellow, Satan" and otherwise utterly hopeless, she'll never know if she's repeating herself.

The best part is she has no idea why her labels are all funky like that, how "Mary" got connected to "Teaching" or "Blethic" to "Politics" or "old time leftie card-carrying ACLU member."

Digression! Speaking of technological drool, the Matron now is the worried and confused owner of this:

which would be a Samsung Instinct cell phone. Friends, this phone speaks to her and offers wide variety of Commerce and Game. She can check email and surf the net. This phone can drive the van and quite possibly prove that Santa Claus does exist and that it IS actually possible for human beings with penises to put down the toilet seat. Well, in can do all these things, in theory, because she's still perplexed about the whole on/off feature.

And Instinct? Hers is this. She is the M-A-T-R-O-N.

Yes, yes, the Matron is married to a realtor and therefore, Cash Flow has become the Hoover Dam, all blocked up and such. But during a simple maintenance phone call for the old cells, John somehow spoke just the right Indian dialect and got two Instinct phones for $9.99 apiece and no monthly fee increase. Yes, he did have to toss in Satan's Familiar for the deal, but -- in troubled times, sacrifices are required by all, right?

Back to that story she might be telling again (hint, hint: she is humored and adored at parties where people have heard her stories for years).

About seven years ago, she had a staggering realization. She ran to her dear husband with this: "Oh my goodness!! I just realized that for the past six months, everything has been about me, me, me!!! All the drama, the books, the children -- everything!! We've all been focused on me!! I promise you -- now it's your turn! You can be the center of attention. Let's focus on you!!"

John: "Mary, you've been the center of attention since the day I met you. Forget the past six months. We're talking ten years."

Matron (felled by truth): "Oh my God. You're right. This is terrible."

John: "Not really. I like being the audience. It's okay. Let's go ahead and keep the focus on YOU."

Matron (felled again by truth): "Thank GOD! I sort of hoped you would say that!"

Thus they have continued, lo these 17 years of Matron in the Spotlight!

In that spirit, she would like to thank Ree of Hotfessional for this:

Amy of Knit Think for this, which originated, here:

And Lynda, out there on Art on a Limb, for this:

Thank you, sweethearts. The Matron likes bling, even if she doesn't understand how to operate it.


Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

My husband and I have a similar understanding.

Congrats on all the well-deserved bling.

smalltownme said...

All hail the ever-deserving Matron. And kudos to her understanding husband.

Cheri @ Blog This Mom!® said...

The Matron's post is wildly entertaining in its own right, but the labels for it? A scream.

shrink on the couch said...

Congrats on your bounty of bling! And may I say, Matron, I am awe-filled by your courage in tackling such newfangled technology. Unlike me who is still impressed by the clam-shell cell phone style.

Tootsie Farklepants said...

Congrats on the bling!

p.s. I hadn't heard the story.

Anonymous said...

This is off the subject, but I thought of you and one of your earlier posts when I listened to Colin Powell endorse Obama on Sunday. Did you catch it? He said something like, "What if Obama were Muslim? Why should that change anything?"

Irene said...

Congratulations on your very nice awards, some of which I covet very much and have had my greedy eyes on for a while as I see them go by. I think you'll get the gentle nudge, don't you?

Lynda said...

I always love your posts - even the second time :-)

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Blog connection trivia--Elwyn Tinklenberg's son lives across the street from me and my kids babysit for his kids.

Who knew that I would learn that my neighbor's dad was a Minnesota politician on Hardball?!

JCK said...

OK, so you get a hot new phone, your husband thinks you are just THE HOT ONE, THE ONLY bling? And you deserve that bling. Congrats!