The Matron likes applause.
Has she told this story? Good heavens! She absolutely cannot remember! Considering her labels are each a confusing string of "Mary, Politics, Scarlett Bedtime, War and Peace, Let's Eat Toast" and "Meatloaf Mary, Teaching, Grandma, Yellow, Satan" and otherwise utterly hopeless, she'll never know if she's repeating herself.
The best part is she has no idea why her labels are all funky like that, how "Mary" got connected to "Teaching" or "Blethic" to "Politics" or "old time leftie card-carrying ACLU member."
Digression! Speaking of technological drool, the Matron now is the worried and confused owner of this:
which would be a Samsung Instinct cell phone. Friends, this phone speaks to her and offers wide variety of Commerce and Game. She can check email and surf the net. This phone can drive the van and quite possibly prove that Santa Claus does exist and that it IS actually possible for human beings with penises to put down the toilet seat. Well, in can do all these things, in theory, because she's still perplexed about the whole on/off feature.
And Instinct? Hers is this. She is the M-A-T-R-O-N.
Yes, yes, the Matron is married to a realtor and therefore, Cash Flow has become the Hoover Dam, all blocked up and such. But during a simple maintenance phone call for the old cells, John somehow spoke just the right Indian dialect and got two Instinct phones for $9.99 apiece and no monthly fee increase. Yes, he did have to toss in Satan's Familiar for the deal, but -- in troubled times, sacrifices are required by all, right?
Back to that story she might be telling again (hint, hint: she is humored and adored at parties where people have heard her stories for years).
About seven years ago, she had a staggering realization. She ran to her dear husband with this: "Oh my goodness!! I just realized that for the past six months, everything has been about me, me, me!!! All the drama, the books, the children -- everything!! We've all been focused on me!! I promise you -- now it's your turn! You can be the center of attention. Let's focus on you!!"
John: "Mary, you've been the center of attention since the day I met you. Forget the past six months. We're talking ten years."
Matron (felled by truth): "Oh my God. You're right. This is terrible."
John: "Not really. I like being the audience. It's okay. Let's go ahead and keep the focus on YOU."
Matron (felled again by truth): "Thank GOD! I sort of hoped you would say that!"
Thus they have continued, lo these 17 years of Matron in the Spotlight!
In that spirit, she would like to thank Ree of Hotfessional for this:
Amy of Knit Think for this, which originated, here:
And Lynda, out there on Art on a Limb, for this:
Thank you, sweethearts. The Matron likes bling, even if she doesn't understand how to operate it.