Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Somebody Stop Her!

Now, the Matron has made frequent reference to her own intensity, even apologizing for the first entire two years of Stryker's life, an era in which the Matron felt it her duty to sanitize hand rails EVERYWHERE and let everyone know that her child was in the house--and was special. And could possibly fall ill. Or die. Or experience discomfort and/or unpleasant emotion. "Is that fan blowing on the baby? He blinked! Is that normal?"

You get the picture.

Reader, can you come right over lock her up for about two weeks?

Her first child has left the womb again, ejected from a secure, warm and unchanging environment into the fetid waters of secondary school!!

Stryker has had ONE full day of Junior High School.

The Matron has felt the need to email and phone several people at said institution. Her trouble? She has jumped on that need like a magic flying carpet, following that need wherever and as far as she can! She has scratched that itch and sent that email.

Uh, plural.

Because after just ONE day of Junior High School, the Matron has emailed the principal, the counselor (twice), the algebra teacher and Spanish teahcer.

She has phoned the receptionist and the school nurse.

She has faxed, twice.

She has dutifully created her account in the Parent Portal--and checked it, every 15 minutes.

She has been to the website for the algebra textbook, insuring her son can access the tutorials and free assistance.

She sent a copy of Stryker's schedule to a dear friend whose own children went to this Junior High for several years, asking friend if she, and her children, could go over the schedule and teachers with a fine tooth comb and complete a small report on the quality of instruction Stryker was lined up to receive.

She has yet to call the bus company but looked up that number, just in case.

Heaven help Murray Junior High School. Hell, let's toss in the whole school district.

Here comes the Matron. She's just going to apologize in advance.

Wednesday Fat Ass Update
! The Matron has eliminated whole hunks of her novel and is now on page 28. She's working on her writing instead of her body because the former is in greater need!


Mary Alice said...

The Matron needs to get a grip. Seriously. Believe me, one day Stryker will thank you for allowing him to grow up and deal on his own. Have a martini, go for a walk, take a lover...I don't care, just do what you have to do to distract yourself and let him gooooooooo. Otherwise Stryker will grow up to be Omar. Really. Hard advice, given with love. Mary Alice

Lisa Wheeler Milton said...

Step away from the portal and get to that book.

You'll feel better. Really.


Julie said...

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who hovers. I probably need to take Mary Alice's advice, too! We can form a support group. :)

Lynda said...

lol - it doesn't get BETTER ;-) Don't let people fool you with THAT line. My kid got thrown off the bus in 8th grade for cussing (sheesh!). I made her write an apology to the bus driver and read it out loud to the principal. She never did that again.

smalltownme said...

He'll be FINE!

But will you?

thefirecat said...

Every time you want to text/fax/email, write a paragraph instead.

Also, please do NOT do this to him when he goes away to college. There are people who do. Seriously. I want to kill them all.

He'll be fine. YOU'LL be fine. Go for a run. Or go join a nice protest at the convention center. But for the love of God-Buddha-Allah-Oprah-Obama (can we add him yet?), STOP THIS INSANITY, WOMAN.


Anonymous said...

Yay for you on the novel!
Stryker's going to be okay. I know you're indulging in hyperbole here, I just know it. I shall stop before making a cheesey reference to loving something and setting it free...

Anonymous said...

You are fully prepared to pay for his therapy, aren't you?
Because you know he will be toast in the schoolyard. No minions there, no sirree.

Unknown said...

They have pills for that you know. Don't make me come over there and give you some...
THIS IS THE TIME for your children to be able to make mistakes, and yes, sometimes fail at something. Because making mistakes is a huge part of life and our children need to learn how to figure out what to do next and get back up. Better to learn while you are there in the background rather than in another city or state. It's all gonna be okay. Honestly.

Anonymous said...

Oh Matron. Truly, this is Stryker we are talking about. That boy will rule Junior High by the end of the week. Just keep his tummy full and his socks clean, he'll take care of the rest.

Anonymous said...

Ha! I did that once. I learned the hard way that teenagers rebel against it. ;-)

Now that Shortman is a senior... he's figured out on his own what it takes.

But I know....believe me...I know.

Cheri @ Blog This Mom!® said...

Is the Matron writing a sequel to Carrie?

Love and kisses.

Jason, as himself said...

Ohhhhhh boy. You're that kind of parent.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Umm, Matron--you do read my blog occasionally, right? Like last Tuesday specifically?

Vallen said...

Here's my guess - Stryker has it all under control and probably is two steps ahead of you.
I have it on good authority from the receptionist at the high school here (that would be me) that not a kid has been lost, hurt or failed to graduate from lack of parental, um, er...let's call it close monitoring. Promise! Cross my heart.

JCK said...

Working on writing ALWAYS trumps the buttocks!

Jocelyn said...

1) You know how to fax? Well, hell.

2) I can't imagine a day when anything in my life needs more work than my body.

3) Is it disloyal of me to feel a leeetle bit for the middle school?