Friday, July 11, 2008

Satan's Familiar

This dog is so much fun! (did you hear the mangled, wrangled high pitch of hysteria in that line?)
While the Matron was busy battling nature in Itasca State Park, the legendary Grandma Mary took on the family dogs: fifteen year old, blind and deaf Jekyll and the fiesty Familiar, sent by Satan.

This would be Jekyll, struggling to understand where he is and what's in front of him.

One day into their trip, the Matron called her mother to inquire after Jekyll's well-being. He was fine! Lots of barking at air, but that's the thrill of doggie dementia!

She forced herself to ask. The other one?

Grandma Mary: "Well, Scruffy is attached to me. I'm going to train him not to poop in the house. He's sleeping in a kennel and when he's not there, he's attached to me with his leash."

Matron: "You're wearing the dog?"

Grandma Mary: "It's just four days."

Oh, now it all makes sense.

Fast forward to Wednesday morning, when the Matron retrieved the boys. Grandma Mary reported that:

  • Satan's Familiar slept in a crate.
  • Satan's Familiar did not poop or pee in the house, once.
  • Satan's Familiar spent every single waking moment attached to Grandma Mary unless he was doing his duty, out doors.
  • Satan's Familiar is 100% retrained to A) use the great outdoors as his toilet and B) forget the beauty of beds and adore the crate.
Two days later, the Matron can report, this:

  • Satan's Familiar has actually not forgotten how much he enjoys combed cotton and high-quality mattress and he will cast Evil Glance in direction of anyone considering shoving him off said comforts.
  • Satan's Familiar celebrated his return home with instant indoor defecation! Twice.
  • Within one hour of being home, Satan's Familiar broke open the front door and raced across the street, down the block, over the hills and vanished - poof -- for one frantic (Scarlett: HE'S DYING! FIND HIM!!) hour. He returned home with someone else's poop all over him.
  • Satan's Familiar has a new trick! When his blind brother is eating anything - a treat, or say, his DINNER -- that wily Devil's Henchman swoops in and steals whatever food is sitting in front of Jekyll. Then, Jekyll spends the next few minutes sniffing around for his booty, while S.F. munches on it, one foot away.

For the new readers who missed it, there has been much of this lately, too. The new mailman actually rang the doorbell to ask about whose teeth are touching his fingertips.

Satan's Familiar is currently sound asleep on the bed, with two peanut butter sandwiches, half a cupcake and a quarter pound of turkey in his belly. Yes! He can also find his way on top of a kitchen table!

Anybody need a puppy?


Manager Mom said...

Indoor Defecation sounds like a GREAT name for a rock band...

Janet said...

"...whose teeth are touching his fingertips."...ROFLMAO!

Madge said...

what. you are not willing to put him on his leash and where him around like Grandma Mary did -- except instead of four days it's like, forever? i don't understand.

Lynda said...

OMG - the video is priceless - can I have it?? - lol!

I thought our dog was funny because she shreds the mail for us. We don't have to use a shredder anymore, but yours is a bonafide HOOT!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

That is funny. Until the mail carrier decides to no longer deliver to your house and you have to pick up mail at the post office.

Maybe he would rather be living with Grandma Mary?

Anonymous said...

I love Satan's Familiar. I'm a fan.
Satan's Familiar is the Skinny Bitch of your blog. Can I join the SF fan club? I'd totally sport the badge.

Heather said...

Despite the evidence, I think that is one smart dog. And great blog fodder.

JessTrev said...

Oh my. That is one excellent video. Also? Our dog would like to high-paw yours. He too loves nothing better than rolling in excrement (unless you count rank, rotting corpses). Did you say *puppy*? How young *is* your tormentor?

Anonymous said...

I am feeling your pain!
Gilby has decided that he needs to irradicate post people (in all forms, from standard mail, to parcels). He chased the mail lady down the road, jumping on her bike. Then, he chase the courier man around the street. I'm chasing him and screaming, he's barking and growling and the courier man is waving some parcel at him screaming' "Get your dog!!!Get your dog!"
WTF did he think I was trying to do. Suffice it to say, we have to keep him locked away till the post has been.

thefirecat said... But Jack can come live with Satan's Familiar. I might not be able to hear them if they were in Minneapolis.

Anonymous said...

I know one shouldn't laugh, but....

Jenn's right...Grandmama should have him!

Angie said...

You'd do what you were told and crap outside too if you were attached to Grandma Mary for 4 days!!

I think you need a visit from the Dog Whisperer, Ceasar Milan......he'll train Satan's Familiar, plus he's hot!

stephanie said...

That dog terrifies me.

"The new mailman" may be a phrase you have to use for a long time...

Louise said...

S.F. totally cracks me up. I like animals with a little spunk (or more than any creature needs). However, I think some of his behavior would be, let's say, a little ANNOYING (pooping inside.) I think he needs a cat to keep him in line. A S.F. cat. That would do the trick.

Jennifer S said...

Yes, but (and forgive me here) not that one.

Jenn makes a good point...Over the river and through the woods?

The Slacker Mom said...

Funny how they can behave around others but not at home- Stan will go on command anywhere but at our house. At our house we get to take him out every hour or so and even then we have accidents.

laurie said...

just imagine if it was milkbones coming through that mailslot, as they occasionally do through ours. (i have no idea who does it. but we come home to find a little mini milkbone on top of the mail.)

the thing about attaching the dog to you is a time-tested way of training. it keeps the dog from running off and pooping in a corner, and it trains it to stay with you.

it sounds weird but it works.

Julie said...

I am sitting at my desk at work laughing OUT LOUD! Of course, wailing and gnashing of teeth would be in order if this were happening in my house!