Thursday, June 26, 2008

They're Pretty and All That. . . . . But

The Matron is tired!

First, this is Merrick's second day in Intensive Care for a virulent case of Third Child Syndrome. The Matron herself has spent many precious minutes sitting outside of Merrick's door while he screams: "It was a joke! It was supposed to be funny!"

It? It would be shooting his sister with a Nerf gun, hitting his brother and going a bit too far with routines like this:

Merrick: "What's the worstest butt word? Would it be freakin-butt or frickin-butt or butt-frick or butt-freakin? "

Matron (wondering about direction of conversation but diving in, anyway): "Well, I would say butt-frick sounds the worst, but it's a close call. Don't quote me on that one."

Merrick is on his heel and into the living room in a heartbeat: "STRYKER! YOU ARE A BUTT-FRICK, A BIG FAT BUTT-FRICK!"

Follow through, every single time! Ugh. Where's her martini? And today, seems there was a lot of this, too.

John, poking around in the refrigerator as the Matron and Scarlett eat breakfast: "Aw! Don't tell me the blueberries are already gone? Anybody seen those blueberries?"

Matron: "Second shelf, on the right sort of tucked behind the cream cheese."

John: "See! Hiding!"

Stryker, bursting into room: "Mom! Someone stole my Play Station Portable! I've looked everywhere and it's totally gone!"

Scarlett: "No it's not. It's under the couch in the living room. Merrick put it there."

Merrick evades Stryker's lunge: "Mom? Where's my cell phone?!!" (don't worry it's fake)

Matron: "Probably in the back of the van where you left it last night."

He scrambles.

John: "Where's the Business section? Those machines must hide that page when they put together the paper. It's always stuck between something."

The Matron hands him the Business section.

Stryker, back in: "But my PSP is out of batteries and I lost my charger!"

Scarlett: "It's in the Kitchen Kid Drawer."

Merrick: "MOM! Where's Scruffy's leash!?"

Scarlett: "In the brown bucket by the side door."

Intrauterine Tracking Devises at work. But the question that haunts the Matron is what body part or hormone block any such locater cells in the male body? Penile Eye Impediment? Testosterone Tracking Scrambler?

And later, when John forgot his cell phone and came scrambling home before a meeting, it was Scarlett who noticed, and was waiting by the door with that item in her smug little hand.


Jenn @ Juggling Life said...


Hang tough on the retraining project. It should be over in about 9 years.

Heather said...

I hear you on the tracking device.

Jennifer S said...

Here's one for you...

Mr. H came home one afternoon, and his first words were "Where's the light switch that turns off the lights in front?"

We've lived here for four years.

I flipped the switched, gave him a look, and left the room.

Cheri @ Blog This Mom!® said...

Penile-induced blindness.

smalltownme said...

I just don't get why males can't find things. I had to find my son's cell phone this morning. I called it and sent him to where it was vibrating.

Oooh, vibrating....

Unknown said...

So true! I wonder if the same chemical that blocks the male species from finding things is also responsible for their inability to put dirty clothing down the laundry chute? More quasi-scientific Research may be needed here.

Anonymous said...

It's the same thing that makes them unable to hear "wife voice" the instant you get married.