She Could Use a Tad Less Excitement

Today at 3:32 pm -- a time when Bond should've been safely home, the Matron's cell phone burped the following text message:

"Hi mom. The police are here bc my bus got in a crash. Workers are checking to see who is hurt. Bye."

Can you see all the questions that message begs? How about: OMIGOD ARE YOU OK? which is exactly what the Matron wrote, right back.

He said:

"cant talk bc ambulance might need me."

Now the Matron is thoroughly beside herself. The ambulance might need me? Plus, she is receiving this news while in the midst of retrieving Rhett from school, standing in the throes of hundreds, texting.

She said: "Tell me where u r? Right now, tell me if u r hurt? Really!!!" Yup. She took the time and effort for all those exclamation points.

He said: "I'm okay. It's not a real ambulance I guess. I think it's the bus company."

When everyone finally arrived home -- the Matron, Rhett and Bond nearly an hour later than normal -- and on that bus --- he handed the Matron a crumpled piece of yellow paper that said this:

SCHOOL BUS TRAFFIC ACCCIDENT REPORT TO PARENT/GUARDIAN

Your child was a passenger on a school bus involved in a traffic accident. Your child has been checked by an adult in charge at the scene of the accident and did not appear to be injured. We ask that your monitor your child's activities for possible injury that could have gone undetected.

What really happened? From the bus driver himself and Bond. . . .

Two school busses more or less gently brushed up together, knocking a mirror off of Bond's bus. Nary a child's hair was jostled. In fact, Bond reported that he was utterly unaware the bus had stopped moving until he saw flashing lights. He was reading. The crash happened at the whooping speed of 5 miles an hour, pulling out from a red light. The drivers laughed a bit about bad aim. But the busses DID pull over and the company sent Investigators, who queried each child and felt? For pulse. Well, nearly.

Think hyberpole (as in- other people's) stops here?

At diinner tonight, Bond took a long look at his (free range, local , family farm -- Bob Otis!) cheeseburger and said: "Sorry, Mom, but I can't eat this. My near brush with death has made me a bit queasy."