Matron: "OMIGOD! Did you catch the warehouse of make-up gooped all over XX's face? She was like the walking storehouse for foundation and eye shadow. I mean NO amount of creme hides four crater wide wrinkles. Just succumb. How long does it take her to do this? An hour? You're so lucky I'm so low maintenance."
Silence. Yes, they've had this conversation before.
John: "Mary, you're not low maintenance. There is a small tsunami of drama surrounding you at every minute."
Matron: "I mean hair and make-up, not psyche."
John (sigh): "But here's my main contention. Hair and make-up high maintenance isn't my problem. Psychological navigation is." Okay he didn't say psychological navigation but that's what he meant and she's better with words, which is why you read this blog
Matron (ready for battle): "Give me one example."
John: "Let me scan the horizon . . . oh, this morning you raced out of the house in your pajamas at 7 am to follow that jeep speeding down the street so that you could make him stop, complain and threaten to call the police for going 50 mph on a residential street. Who else does that--and then relives the event all day while on the phone with friends going through divorces and students and engaged in mortal battle with teenagers that are just as much about the ADULT as the teen? And then there's that crying thing. You really can't be allowed to view any media, print, online or on television. Oh -- letters to the editor. I know you have a 100% acceptance record, but putting post-it notes on the fridge about that might be a bit on the edge. Then there was that time when your mom made you angry and you disappeared for five hours. Come to think of it, you should never ever get involved in political campaigns again. The whole not sleeping or eating thing doesn't become you because then you collapse with the 'why did I commit to this I can't do it' lament before falling asleep. People die without sleep, you know, and people flirting death are a little psycho."
Matron: "Really. I said one example."
It was okay to end the conversation there. And they did.