Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Wherein the Matron Provides Entertainment for Others

Yesterday at 7:00 pm, the Matron (still mulling over the home schooling issue) picked up Scarlett from a rehearsal at Mixed Blood to take her to an audition at the Children's Theatre . The child needed to be immediately returned to the first theater for the remainder of the evening rehearsal.

Driving! Homework! Merrick's violin lessons! Over 100 students who all turned in essays at once! Varsity debate team for HWCBN! Committee work, running the Parent Teacher Organization, yard work and that 55 lb ill-advised blood hound puppy. But here she was, driving the daughter.

Foreshadowing for disorientation.

Let's just say the Matronly head gave Regan in The Exorcist a run for its money.

But for a few minutes, yours truly was ever so organized. Before retrieving the thespian -- who had just half an hour in between commitments -- she stopped at a restaurant and ordered take out, which would be ready when she drove by after grabbing Scarlett. They arrived fifteen minutes early for the audition. The Matron remembered everything--head shots, resumes, conflict information -- oh, she had it nailed. She even brought her laptop!

Matron to Scarlett: "Break a leg, honey. I'm going to grab my laptop from the car and work while you're auditioning."

So they departed.

And the Matron could not find her van.

She knew EXACTLY where she parked. She walked by that spot 500 times, eventually reverting to clicking on the 'emergency horn' button on her keys, hoping to locate said vehicle. Every inch of that parking lot was scrutinized, every detail reviewed.

No van.

Stolen--with her laptop (and that dinner!) inside.

Calm was the first requirement. Thus composed, she dialed the number for security. A very nice older man showed up in the jeep with lights and symbols within 20 seconds. she assured him that the van was unmistakable: a green Mazda with big magnetic peace signs (blue and yellow) on the side.

They drove through all the parking lots and the neighborhoods. He consoled her. No van.

Security Guard: "This is highly unusual. We have break-ins but haven't had a theft in years. I'm really sorry! You seem pretty pulled together, considering the computer and car are both gone."

Matron: "In about two minutes, my 12 year old will come bursting through that door. I don't want to unduly alarm her. When she's gone, I'll probably cry."

They pulled up to the stage door and Scarlett emerged, with a friend and most importantly, the friend's mother (also a friend to the Matron) who knew about the stolen vehicle and was on board to shuttle Scarlett back to rehearsal and the Matron, home. Or to the psych ward.

Security Guard: "Well, it's time to call 911 and report a missing vehicle."

He got out his phone.

Matron: "Scarlett, everything is okay, but we have a small problem. Someone stole our car. It's gone."

Scarlett (screaming): "SOMEONE STOLE DAD'S NEW CAR?"

Oh, if only she had a visual. This is where the Matron collapsed into the side of the security jeep and said, "OH MY GOD. I DROVE DAD'S CAR." And not the van.

The car was right there where she left it, lap top and dinner secure.

The security guard said it was the most fun he's had at six months and nobody offered to drive her to the psych ward. Because she could drive herself.


Daisy said...

Oh, dear! Peace, dear Matron, peace.

trash said...

Hahahaha, hahahahahaha, oh excuse me! Hahahahahahahahaha, oops! Slipped out, sorry. Hahahahaha...

Anonymous said...

ROTFL! I saw my van in the parking lot last week and thought my husband had driven it. I was ready to congratulate him on a choice parking spot. I'm not sure why I thought I had his car, except that I keep trying to use his car key to start my minivan. The only thing that saves me from calling security is that he drives a distictive-looking vehicle.

Anonymous said...

I did almost the same thing, except with the car I drove every day. I parked it in a ramp level one below the skyway level instead of a higher level like I usually do. When I came out from work (at 1am Sunday morning after a 15-hour day! This was the week before April 15th) I couldn't find it. Walked through the entire ramp (except that slightly lower level) looking for it. Walked to 7th & Nicollet and caught a taxi home, called police and made a report. Got a phone call the next morning from police, who had driven through ENTIRE ramp and found car. Sheesh. Feel dumb much, Kat?

At the annual April 15th party I got an award for having lost the biggest object during tax season, much to the amusement of my colleagues..

Irene said...

How wonderful! What a relief!

Inside the Philosophy Factory said...

I'm sorry you had stress... but, Varsity debate for the boy.. YEA!!!!! Good for him...

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I'm grateful for the happy ending!

That level of frazzled is a sign you need to heed, though. I know that because it wasn't that long ago I did almost the same thing in the parking lot at my doctor's office (right car, wrong floor). I needed to pare down my to-do list.

matgrif said...

Okay, that was by far the funniest story to date. (tears!)LOL

Deb said...

This is terrific! You write so well, honestly.

Forgetting where I parked the car is common for me. I can't wait for the ski box to go on the top for the winter again. This narrows down the number of possibilities as I scan the parking lot.

Wenderina said...

Classic. Absolutely classic. I'm so glad I'm not the only one losing her ever loving mind.

Anonymous said...

I once walked the entire parking garage of a mall, while holding the hands of 3 yr old twins and with a baby strapped to my chest, looking for my car. Who knew there were identical north AND south garages on each side of Macys?
Listen to Jenn, by the way.

Anonymous said...

Slow down and take a breath! Atleast you haven't reached the point where your teenagers move the car on you just to freak you out!

I once got in the WRONG car (it looked like mine) sat there jamming the key in the ignition and becoming frustrated that it wouldn't engage. At the point my husband arrived to help me, so did the car's real owner! Talk about some "splainin" to do! I'm pretty sure that rates a big "Duh!!!"
YOU have an excuse, you were overbooked and overwhelmed, hope things ease up a bit. Bramble

jenn said...

Classic! Oh, yes, I've definitely had those days.

carol said...

Priceless!...You have the best reality show going!

Anonymous said...

That is so funny and not so funny because it could happen to anyone! I lost my small car when a huge van parked next to it and I couldn't see it. It took me about 40 minutes to finally see it! All's well that ends well!

Anonymous said...

That has me LAUGHING SO HARD! Because I've done it--only not gotten to the point of calling the authorities. TOO FUNNY!

Casey said...

Amazing. Sounds like something I would do...if my husband ever would let me take his car.
Thanks for sharing hilarious stories so I can be entertained while at work not working.

Jessie said...

Thank goodness...but it is funny. And I am sure that it will go down in your family history. "Remember the time when Mom forgot she drove Dad's car?" "ha, ha, ha!"