Wednesday, September 2, 2009

On an Entirely Different Note, the Teenager

Yes, the Matron is now living with Helen Keller-Ramona Quimby-Marta von Trapp-Annie. It is a dizzying expanse of psychological terrain. May you never have to tuck this cocktail into bed at night.

And on that other note.

Instead of a traditional birthday party, Scarlett was prone to pack food for at Feed My Starving Children. Let the Matron amend that she would volunteer at this fine organization again in a heartbeat. They were competent and goal-driven. A group of 70 volunteers packed over 9,000 meals in just 50 minutes. By 2010, the organization will be up to 100 million meals distributed throughout the planet. Wow.

Everyone had a terrific experience, even while wearing hair nets. The Matron has never ever before had a good experience involving a hair net, as she does not look so good in hair nets; she has other assets (even if they're padded and fake and are purchased at Target).

Regular readers know that the Matron and her family are card-carrying Buddhists and are also not adverse to celebrating and respecting other traditions. So when there was an optional Christian Prayer to Jesus at the end of packing food, the Matron was nearly the original Madonna, all full of giving spirit was she. But she stayed put and didn't merge toward the prayer, as did her brood, not wanted to pretend to be of a faith and following they weren't.

Except for Stryker.

He whispered in the Matronly ear: "Hey! I'm going to go and do the prayer thing but only I'm going to stand up and hoot 'JIHAD' at the end, sorta like 'GO TEAM!'"

And with that, he bolted into the pack and the prayer room.

Leaving the Matron to nervously sweat out the next ten minutes. Lordy, that was a long prayer they had. The Matron kept thinking that if only he hadn't said 'hoot' she might not believe him. But he was a hooter! Heaven help her.

She rapdily became a Christian, Muslim, Jew, and Oprahite, praying to anyone.

And when those giving thanks to Jesus filtered out, prayer completed? The Matron was limp with relief to notice that nobody looked outraged or tried to shove her the door. Nothing. They were all serenity, contentment and grace, deserved.


He came up to his mama, all glint and grin.

"Mom. I can't tell you how much fun I'm going to have messing with you the next five years."

Stryker, you better invest in cardiac paddles. Between you and your sister, she might not make it.

She wishes she made this stuff up!


MJ said...

Your children have spirit! God-Buddha-Allah-Oprah-whomever bless them!

Anonymous said...

Stryker, YOU are a hoot. Poor Matron. (As an aside, it is my turn to give the opening prayer at the monthly county board meeting in a couple weeks. I've got my *prayer* all ready, and it never mentions God or any other higher power. Let's see how THAT goes over...)

SUEB0B said...

The sun will come out tomorrow.

I'm glad your kids have such a good time with you.

Anonymous said...

We all have ONE who messes with us. Mine is B. They will get theirs one day, that's what keeps me going.

Jocelyn said...

As of right now, I have a leetle crush on Stryker.

In a healthy old-lady-mama way.

Rudee said...

I believe he just threw down the gauntlet. This may in fact give you the right to bring out those embarrassing naked baby photos.

Amelia Sprout said...

I hope when you recover, you realize how damn funny that is. What an excellent idea.