Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Control Freaks (Plural is Important)

The following exists in Full Throttle, Michael Jackson Memorial Volume. And happened today.

The Matron is in the kitchen. Scarlett in the basement. Merrick on the second floor. Stryker on the third floor in the family room.

The phone rings.

The Matron can see from the caller ID that this is John calling from work. She can also clearly see when Stryker picks up the phone from the third floor handset.

Still - knowing full well that Styrker is on the line -- she answers anyway: "John? What's up?"

John: "Oh. I'm calling with a question for Stryker and he's on the line."

Matron: "What? What do you want to know?"

Stryker: "MOM. It's fine. Hang up."

From the basement -- "MOM WHO IS ON THE PHONE!????" This would be Scarlett.

The Matron screams into the general air.

Matron: "Daddy."

Scarlett: "What does he want? Why is he calling?"

Matron: "I don't know, ask Stryker."

Merrick (from his second floor bedroom): "WHY IS DADDY ON THE PHONE?"

Scarlett: "Mom! Ask Dad what's going on!"

Stryker: "Can everybody shut up so I can talk to Dad?"

Matron on the phone: "Really, why do you need to talk to Stryker?"

Merrick: "Why is nobody talking to ME. Whewe is Daddy?"

Scarlett: "MOM? Is that Dad on the phone? Can I talk to him? I'VE GOT IT."

Stryker: "I'm on the phone!"

Scarlett picks up from the basement. "Dad? Why are you calling Stryker?"

Merrick screams from upstairs: "I want to be on the phone too?"

Matron: "Why are you calling? I mean really, what's going on?"

Merrick picks up from the Matron's office: "Dad? Stwyker? Talk to me!"

Dial Tone.

Matron: "Kids? I think Dad hung up."



Merrick: Sob.

Those litle apples? Are not falling far from from the Managerial Tree.


MJ said...

Yes, genetics trumps again!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

This is so different from my home . . . where nobody but me answers the phone for any reason.

Cheri @ Blog This Mom!® said...

Oh my gosh. Tom would have hung up too. It's how he survives all of us.

Irene said...

You guys sound like a sitcom.

Mary Alice said...

tee hee. Oh dear...I'm with Jenn though. Here, it rings and rings unless I am there to pick it up. The rest of the family thinks that is mom's job...if someone wanted THEM they would just text them on their phone, right?

witchypoo said...

That reminds me. I'm sure I have messages lurking in my largely unanswered phone. Sometimes, like now, I just disconnect the thing.
word verification: unrorp

Tammy said...

Call Tina Fey...that would make a great SNL skit!

Anonymous said...

Poor John! Next time he needs to talk to Stryker, I bet he sends a text message.

The Other Laura said...

We have crazy phone shenanigans in our house too. This was hilarious.

Ree said...

I'm sorry, but I'm laughing here. Okay, I'm ROLLING here. It wounds like something that would happen at my house. Except I only have two people.

(And I'd still hang up!)

Heather said...

That is funny. I think sometimes I'm the only one who even hears the phone ringing!

racheld said...

A modern take on "Who's on the first floor?" or "Who's on the phone first?"

It's happened for generations---my grandmother's family, back in the teens of the 20th century, used to gather around their old parlor phone, the only one in the house, of course, and play their music over the party line for their neighbors, before anyone had radio.

My word today is "crack"---first time I've ever had a real word. Hmmm.

Daisy said...

So, so funny!! Truth is more entertaining tan fiction.

Lynda said...

Love this slice of life!

stephanie said...

Holy wow.

Luckily we only have 2 kids and 2 floors to contend with. As if they would actually answer the phone, ever.