Monday, August 4, 2008
The Matron is Cleaning Her Closet
Lately, the Matron has been dusting off her dreams. Trying again, all that. The novel, the book deal, the last ring of belly fat. You got it.
The Matron was just a year or so younger than this child when she won all those gold medals in 1976! Oh, my. Young Miss wanted nothing more than to be Nadia Comaneci!
Yesterday, the Matron saw a picture of Nadia in the New York Times Magazine. This photo allowed the Matron further insight into how little she has matured over the years. She still wants to be Nadia Comaneci!
Of course, she would need implants.
And a better wardrobe (not to mention a sense of balance and poise).
Nadia even has an adorable husband and baby! (okay, the Matron thinks her husband is hotter than Bart so that part doesn't need to change. she might trade one of the children, however)
With the big kids at camp (yes, details are coming) and Merrick in day camp all day (see the Matron doing a little happy dance! if you do, you fully appreciate how little she has in common with Nadia, in reality) the Matron is embarking upon a week-long whirlwind grand tour of Self-Improvement.
She is getting rid of all of these!
Yes, yes, the Matron is ashamed to admit that she has saved a wide variety of unflattering and dated fare. Now, was she thinking that this might actually become the great fashion wave for the forty-something maternal set?
Then there are the unfortunate purchases. Because this makes the Matron look like, oh, five-years old. She can't even take herself seriously in something like this.
She is eliminating everything in this line.
The prom dresses? Going!
How do you think she'll look in this? Just about right for the office?
In sum, everything that makes the Matron look like a child, grandmother -- or even matron! -- is history. All clothes must meet the new Nadia standard. Or this one!
School starts (for the Matron) on August 18th. It's the deep tissue, drawer-cleaning, closet-vacuuming week for her household. Yes. She is strapping on the gas mask and suit and doing Scarlett's room, too.
Pray that her new, fashionable self will emerge unharmed.