Monday, July 21, 2008

She Needs to Get Out More

Yesterday, the Matron asked this question: Who will crack first? Scarlett or her mother? The answer would be Scarlett, at approximately 9:02 p.m. Not that the Matron is tracking this.

Earlier today, she went and spent (oh, a small portion of retirement and college) a tidy sum, on craft, costume and food for the backyard theater her family is producing.

All innocence and purpose, she blithely walked through the supermarket in search of this:


Clearly, she had not been in a store for a very very long time. Because she could not locate "America's Favorite Cookie." No sirreeee. . .. Instead, she stumbled, slack-jawed and increasingly confused, through this:


White fudge covered Oreo!? The Matron tottered on her fashionable heel. But where was the damn plain old cookie?

Organic Oreo?

Golden Original? The Bea Arthur cookie? If you have to Google "Bea" you are officially too young for this blog.


Of course. Why not package a fine spring breeze in your product?


Oreo Cakester? Wouldn't that be cake? She realized her math skills weren't up to the task of tallying the ingredients.

Oh, well, thank God there's chocolate Cakesters.




Finally, the Matron settled on the only thing she recognized, which would be this:


America's favorite cookie? More like narrowing down to the Top Ten of 46. Yes, there are 46 kinds of Oreo Cookies.

And increasingly, we get one breed of chicken and the choice between three grain: corn, wheat, rice. Not that she's tracking.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

40+ types of Oreo products? And how many varieties of apples were available in the produce section?

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Go to Costco--it's just the plain Oreo, ma'am!

Melanie said...

Had a recent, similar experience with Wheat Thins. WTF.

Anonymous said...

40...WHY?

I bet they all taste roughly the same?

Anonymous said...

Move to NZ, we only have one kind, and probably one box per store. We are a little behind, but at least we gave women the vote first.

And white fudge? Mr Music must NEVER read that.

Suburban Correspondent said...

The mini ones are fantastic. You are missing out.

Anonymous said...

I actually like the organic ones, and the stores here don't carry them. They taste the same, they just take three years off your life instead of ten.

Awhile back there were coffee creme filled ones (just an aside- every time I see the word "creme" I want to slap someone) and my brother LOVED them. Then they pulled them, and he's been despondent ever since.

Lynda said...

Never was an Oreo fan, but I do understand the frustration - overkill!

Anonymous said...

I agree...there's no substitute for original oreos. And those spring ones? Make me want to gag...pastel creme filling--yuk!

Julie said...

Organic oreos? Really? I had no idea. At the risk of being stoned, I actually prefer Chips Ahoy!

Jenny Grace said...

I've never been able to get on the Oreo bandwagon. Mainly because I think they taste disgusting. That's probably the biggest hurdle.

Anonymous said...

What does this mean, I wonder. How horrifying!

Mrs. G. said...

Holy smokes! Are you kidding me? I did not have to Google Bea-she will always be Maude to me.

Madge said...

it's like a nuclear bomb went off in the oreo factory and now there are 40 mutant oreo types running around.

Angie said...

Oreo Cakester? What the hell is that? Have I been living under a rock? Hmmm. Oreos sound yummy right now, but not worth the search, I'd say:)