Monday, April 21, 2008

Dear Director of Homeland Security

The Matron has important news for you!

She has identified the most pressing threat our nation faces--a danger that threatens her immediate personal safety!

She shocked, just shocked, that you have not noticed this danger before!

This threat to the good citizens of our country will floor you in its simplicity and pervasiveness; you will be astounded by our complicity, our national willingness to accept this ploy as the standard, the norm.


Children are allowed to drive cars.

Because yesterday, while minding her own business on 94, shuttling one child to this friend and picking up another, there, the Matron looked at the driver next to her and that driver?

Looked about 12 years old. It was difficult to discern who was the shakier person in that car, the young girl or the father gripping the dashboard next to her.

Then it occurred to the Matron that in just over 3 years, her oldest child (note emphasis) will legally be allowed to get behind the wheel of a car and negotiate all operations of several hundred pounds of steel.

She is not sure what the solution is, Director. Because this dangerous activity has been around so long and is taken for granted, accepted as the norm, people may be slow to eliminate the scourge--sort of like meatloaf. It's just part of the landscape.

The Matron's awakening -- these are not permitted drivers or new drivers or student drivers -- these are children coming at her, fast--simply reinforces her previous alarm regarding Transportation.

Things that move will be our demise!

So please stop building that darn wall through the back yards of poor people in Texas (while conveniently creating big gaps when you get to somebody 'connected' but that's a separate letter, she supposes) and attend to this issue immediately!

The rules must be changed before July 17th, 2011. Thank you for your compliance.




Suburban Correspondent said...

It is definitely as frightening as it looks.

Mrs. G. said...

Good luck stopping the tide. And if you happen to see a red headed seventeen-year-old in a gold subaru heading your way, get off the road fast.

Unknown said...

I suffered from a tremendous fear of other drivers when I was a teenager and didn't get my license until I was nearly 18 (that's practically a crime in Ohio). As I get older and more motherly, I can feel that old fear creeping back in. If our public transit weren't so wretched, I might not drive at all.

Cheri @ Blog This Mom!® said...

Teaching your own children to drive is like a bit like jumping out of a plane with no parachute. But just a bit. Don't worry. You can do it.

Jocelyn said...

I think it's very possible that driving next to you was the mayor of Duluth (this is my cheap way of getting you to read my latest post, which features a pic of him).

I am not proud.

Anonymous said...

I have been thinking about this a lot lately with our boy turning 13 last Saturday - he has been counting down the years until he gets his license since he was about 5.

Tootsie Farklepants said...