Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Bonus Post, Inspired By Love

Dear Congresswoman Michele Bachmann,

Today, I read in the newspaper that you have introduced this very important bill: "Light Bulb Freedom of Choice Act."

What an inspirational title!

Just last night, I tossed and turned, full of fear that I might not be able to enjoy my God-given right to purchase the light bulb of my desires. Thank you for leading this fight. Our liberty is at stake, after all.

Only you would have the acumen, grit and foresight to prevent the government from phasing out conventional light bulbs in favor of energy-efficient compact fluorescent lights.

How dare that selfish Big Brother government attempt to eliminate household items that use much less coal, thus lowering greenhouse gases and mercury. After all, my individual right to have a good old-fashioned coal-guzzling light bulb illuminating my bath mat is more important than breathing.

The audacity! I blame that big old Al Gore for stirring up all this trouble. He should just move to Tibet and hunker in with the Dalai Lama. China can take care of them both.

Thank you for having the courage to say that human contribution to global warming is "voodoo, nonsense, hokum, a hoax." My children and I sleep easier, knowing you are making key decisions regarding our well-being and safety.

I will definitely be joining your fan club.

Would you please do me a great big favor, pretty please? We need someone like you to take her perky little self up to Antarctica, where an ice slab seven times larger than Manhattan just collapsed.

All those ridiculous scientists and scholars (you know, those who can't do, teach) claim this is linked to global warming and they blame us! They're blaming us decent, gas-guzzling, McMansion-maintaining Americans. I could weep.

Thank you for your time! I hope you got your Presidential hug and kiss today, honey. I'm off to run every appliance in my household before driving two blocks to buy the bananas that came from Guatemala.


The Matron


JessTrev said...

Um, I don't follow Minnesota politics all that closely but I can say that the state that gave us our Jesse Ventura doll for our Barbie family seriously needs to produce a MN Matron doll now too. I am still chuckling about this post. Awesome retort to madness. (And while I'd like to meet your dog, he must go home with you - we have no more room for loud animals in our inn).

Anonymous said...

I cringed so hard when I saw that headline that I nearly gave myself a migraine. I almost wish I lived in her district, just so I could vote against her. Thanks for the fan club link.

Unknown said...

So funny. Who needs fiction when we live with these folks?

Mrs. G. said...

What? Are you telling me global warming is REAL? Not according to my mom and all of her friends. It's a conspiracy manufactured by the Dems. I'm going to have to stop here or it could get ugly.

Anonymous said...

Could we all just call a moratorium on naming pieces of legislation? I think democracy would function just fine without them.

Anonymous said...

how many people don't realize there is Mercury in the "green" lightbulbs and just toss them in their garbage?? I actually had to inform some people!!! Their response-"oh well, they save me money!!" Have you ever read the fine print in case one should break!?? Not too good~

Minnesota Matron said...

Yes anonymous -- but less mercury than in a mouth full of dental fillings, according to the newspaper. There was much discussion of mercury in the article, which maintained that the benefits of fewer greenhouse gases outweigh the potential risks of mercury. Nothing is perfect. Except the occasional matronly sentence :-).

(joke, joke)

Suburban Correspondent said...

I, too, refuse to replace my incandescents - fluorescent bulbs flicker (though too fast for the eye to see) and can trigger headaches and other disorders in the susceptible. Also, in a house where lamps get knocked over with some regularity, they are hardly a moneysaver.

Rather than requiring people to use these bulbs, they should make the original incandescents more expensive in order to reflect their true cost to society. More people (except those of us who feel we can't) would then choose the new-fangled, energy-saving type.

Anonymous said...

I think that would be *down* to Antartica *sheepish grin*.

I know, as it floats by, shall I hop aboard and see if it makes it up your way, what a field trip!

Anonymous said...

Of course I meant AntarCtica.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad that Ms. "Dim Bulb" Bachman has found something else to get on a soapbox about besides how wonderful President Bush is and how wonderful the war is going, etc. In other words, she is still one of the most embarrassing people that this state has sent to Washington (Oh, wait, there's also Sleazy Norm Coleman).

We have switched almost all of our bulbs and we do keep a few of the old kind around. We have had that discussion about disposal and will be piling them up (if they ever burn out) to take them to a disposal place. I'm am with you, Mary, as far as the alternatives with Greenhouse gasses. At first I DID NOT like the bulbs, but now I really don't notice much difference, except they take a few seconds to brighten up and I think that has improved.

Minnesota Matron said...

Suburban, I like your solution.

And one more thought on the mercury. . . mercury, of course, is not good and it's an issue that anonymous rightly addresses.

This reminds me of debates over coal -- there is no perfect replacement for coal. But coal is the worst, so you just pick the replacement that has the least drawbacks. . .

Memarie Lane said...

What a truly great American she must be, and a great citizen of the world. Unfortunately, I believe the Minnesota state government is in final talks to outsource itself to Bengalore, India.

Irene said...

Hear, hear, I couldn't have said it better myself and I applaud you for it!

K. said...

"Lightbulb Freedom of Choice Act" - that's just beautiful. Ohmigod what a freak.

Anonymous said...

Y'know, I wonder where this person was when they decided to dictate HDTV to Americans...Good to know our reps are fighting hard over the PRIORITIES. (sarcastic font)

Anonymous said...

Here is an informative article from the Boston Globe warning of mercury leaks in broken in Compact Fluorescent Lightbulbs (CFL’s). I had no idea these bulbs had mercury in them, and when broken can pose a risk of mercury poisoning especially to infants, small children, and pregnant women. Mercury is a neurotoxin, which can damage the nervous system in adults, children, infants, and unborn babies.

There were two reports done and in one of the studies, “researchers shattered 65 compact fluorescents to test air quality and cleanup methods. They found that, in many cases, immediately after the bulb was broken - and sometimes even after a cleanup was attempted - levels of mercury vapor exceeded federal guidelines for chronic exposure by as much as 100 times.”

“The study recommended that if a compact fluorescent breaks, get children and pets out of the room. Ventilate the room. Never use a vacuum, even on a rug, to clean up a broken compact fluorescent lamps. Instead, use stiff paper such as index cards and tape to pick up pieces, and then wipe the area with a wet wipe or damp paper towel. If there are young children or pregnant woman in the house, consider cutting out the piece of carpet where the lamp broke as a precaution. Place the shards and cleanup debris in a glass jar with a screw top and remove the jar from the house.”

Hopefully we will never have a broken CFL, but I think the fact that CFL’s have mercury in them, and they can pose health risk if broken, should be publicized more. I don’t think anyone wants to put their child (or unborn child), or themselves at risk for exposure to mercury by accidentally handling a broken CFL or by leaving the area where it broke un-treated.

As the story says, hopefully they will develop a mercury free CFL in the future so we can reduce greenhouse emissions, and keep our children safe from possible mercury exposure.
(end of boston globe story)

the amount of mercury in a CFL bulb is about the same exposure from eating a can or two of tuna fish.

Two-ounces of tuna used to be a horror, but in the name of CFLs, two cans became no problem.

...and what about we have all gotten rid of the mercury filled ones, because we don't want to have the mercury around.

...and shots with mercury, bet we all feel that little bit is too much exposure for our kids...

So you get the people who don't "get it" that these bulbs HAVE to be disposed of properly, who throw them in the trash, they pile up in the landfills...
More problems..

Minnesota Matron said...

Wow - thanks, anonymous.

As the story says, hopefully they will develop a mercury free CFL in the future so we can reduce greenhouse emissions, and keep our children safe from possible mercury exposure.

Sounds like that's what we want. . . I learn something every day!

While writing, I must admit, I cared little about light bulbs, per se, but more about roasting Bachmann, who is just a hoot. She does some crazy things.

Anonymous said...

Let us all hope and pray that whither goes George Bush will also go Michelle Bachman this year. She is beyond horrifying. Stunned to silence, beat my head against the wall horrifying.

Kimberly said...

She sounds like a real peach. I'm not even a MN resident and I'm tempted to join her "fanclub" too.

As for the lightbulb thing, we use a mix in our house. We use energy efficient ones in all the heavily used lights and as the regular ones burn out we replace them with CFLs.

But I really don't see this post being that much about lightbulbs. It's about trying to do the right thing as a society and taking whatever small steps we can to hopefully avoid further negative impact on the world around us.

Angie said...

Oh, this is classic. More of our taxes going to such good use. Dear God.

Anonymous said...

Minnesota Matron,

I take it that you are NOT kidding...this Bachmann person is serious?

You great Minnesota Dems who came out to support Obama will tell Bachmann where to get off!

sexy said...