Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Rum!

Some people have music humming in the background. The Matron? National Public Radio -- the talk kind -- feeding her news and information, all day long!

She's sorry, children. Sometimes fear for the successful mathematical meshing of her children's brains overtakes her, and she switches to classical music. Sometimes.

Last night was not one such occasion.

News hummed in the background as the Matron worked with Merrick on his kindergarten homework. This endeavor wrought all kinds of havoc on both the Matronly ecosystem and Merrick's, as his reading situation has not much improved.

Indeed, the Matron spent much of her time trying to convince Merrick that 9 was not a member of the club that constituted the Alphabet. Nine had its own team and it was called Numbers.

Merrick: "Weawwy?" Because he cannot say R or L yet, either. Weawwy is his response to all new, compelling, or potentially contradicting information -- and to any news his not-so-reliable siblings dish out.

Matron: "Yes. Really. How about this 8. You have 8 dogs and 3 run in the yard. What's that number that's left?"

Merrick: "B?"

Just as the Matron was about to impale herself upon a giant L, NPR sputtered out something about the Somali Pirates and that whole hostage-ship-capture thing that has dominated the news to all get out.

Merrick: "MAMA!! DID THEY SAY PIWATES ON THE WEAL NEWS?"

Matron: "They did indeed." And because this guy is the family's one and only future NRA member, (she hopes) she told him ALL about the pirates climbing aboard, seizing and stealing, and general good-time pirating.


Finally convinced that real life pirates still roamed the face of the Earth, Merrick literally -- truly -- pretended to fall off his chair in joy, shook his adorable booty and shouted to the ceiling: "Piwate USA come to Mewwick, Baby!" His propensity toward adding "USA" onto any phrase, as emphasis, puzzles the Matron, who has never personally modeled this chest-thump for her child.

Then the Matron had a wicked, beautiful idea.

Matron: "Merrick. The pirates are also in the newspaper. There are pictures and a whole article about them. When you learn to read, you can read all about the REAL pirates. Every day. While you eat candy. I promise." She pushed over the newspaper, evidence.

Merrick: "Weawwy?"

Matron: "Really." (okay she might be lying about that candy thing but if this continues into age 8, who knows. . .)

Merrick: "Okay! I want to wead about piwates!" And with that, he promptly pointed to the word "could" and said: "Is that 100?"

Maybe he'll be a master at world languages, since he's got that number/letter translation down pat?

16 comments:

Becky said...

I am dying. He is so funny! If you would like to send him to a very cheap/free summer camp, he can come to our house.

USA baby!

Amy said...

He needs to come play pirates with my 7 year old. I am so not looking forward to the days when mine can say his "r"s. And it is slowly approaching. So sad. :(

~annie said...

He sounds like a kindred spirit to my daughter, reading difficulty and all. Although she's 17 now, she was also enthralled by the real, live pirates in the news right now. Oh - and she DID eventually learn to read around age 8.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

That just cracks me up!

Professor J said...

"Piwate USA come to Mewwick, Baby!" I love this boy! He sounds like a good ol' boy.

Miss Grace said...

Love it.

Lynda said...

Love the USA add-on!

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

E-mail me if you want to talk about the late-reading issue. I wouldn't worry, though. Keep reading to him, he'll get it.

racheld said...

DS#2 had a reading tutor for three years, and then scored whatever the perfect score was on the math part of SAT.

He's all grown up now, with a tiny "reader" of his own (she's almost two) and he dressed as a pirate this past Halloween.

Fearful that the Cap'n Hook look might scare her and the other little ones, up his sleeve he carried a big round soup ladle.

Heather said...

My son can't say his Ls. "What you doing Bud?"

"Aw, just wookin' under here."

I love it.

Anonymous said...

Tears of laughter are streaming down my face - you have such a way with words!

How about this: There were 6 pirates on a ship. Two pirates jumped off. How many pirates are still on the ship?

Give Merrick some extra hugs from your blog followers - and keep reading to him!

smalltownmom said...

I hope the piwate bwibewy helps.

witchypoo said...

Seems like you have found the motivation, now we need to explore the methodology that works for him.
He obviously is not strong in visual recognition, I wonder which learning modality is his strength?

Daisy said...

Weawwy? Foh weaw? Dat's da best piwate stowy I've heawd in ages!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Maybe his future is in pirate comedy?

Amelia Sprout said...

I would guess he has a future in code breaking.