Regular readers know that the Matron is also otherwise known (mostly fondly) as Queen of Hyperbole. Understanding that this role, upon occasion, renders her narrative a wee bit unsteady (she can't quite bring herself to say unreliable), here, she promises Truth.
She is in the midst of the grading equivalent of the Haitian earthquake. And, as a wise reader noted, papers suck the life right of you. Details, details, but 9 days from today, she will have read, internalized, commented on and graded 55 basic freshman comp research papers, 23 Gender Studies papers, 35 Contemporary Fiction papers, 70 research assignments, and 210 (approximately) online discussion posts.
Not that she's counting.
Part of the Matronly dilemma -- in addition to having an existential crisis that nobody but Boc seems to understand and that is why HE gets his picture on the blog -- is that her grading blitz coincides with an usually busy week of driving children. Meaning that when she should be busy whipping through essays, she's winding through traffic.
As usual, Scarlett offers herself up as the primary person in need of transportation. Thursday, the annual head shot session. Unfortunately, while an adult actor's photo may last for five years (if s/he is of durable skin and good teeth), children change yearly, thus requiring an update photo on that basis. This is a half day event. Today, she auditioned for a Disney sitcom. This, is a 20 minute event, taped in the agency and sent to Disneyland.
Should a parent let a child audition for a television show with the words Zombie and Cheerleader in the title? Let's just say this is not a rhetorical question.
But she did.
Then, there's all the driving for Mean. And the high tech Matron has actual moving human beings on her blog!! A video! The diva is the one with the glasses. The last week before opening night is tech week: long hours, high emotion, last minute changes. And PUH-LENTY of driving.
So . . . although the Matron wishes she could share a gem or two from her current crop of papers, as that would give this post a point, nothing pops out. Instead, she will leave you with her all time Favorite Student Sentence(s), submitted in a paper two years ago:
"The size of a human being depends on what size grain they eat. People in Norway eat long pasta and are big. Asians are small because they eat rice."
After pulling herself out from under her desk, the Matron simply asked the student: "You need to cite these facts with academic, peer-reviewed sources?"
What she wanted to say was: "What about couscous?"