Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Rum!

Some people have music humming in the background. The Matron? National Public Radio -- the talk kind -- feeding her news and information, all day long!

She's sorry, children. Sometimes fear for the successful mathematical meshing of her children's brains overtakes her, and she switches to classical music. Sometimes.

Last night was not one such occasion.

News hummed in the background as the Matron worked with Merrick on his kindergarten homework. This endeavor wrought all kinds of havoc on both the Matronly ecosystem and Merrick's, as his reading situation has not much improved.

Indeed, the Matron spent much of her time trying to convince Merrick that 9 was not a member of the club that constituted the Alphabet. Nine had its own team and it was called Numbers.

Merrick: "Weawwy?" Because he cannot say R or L yet, either. Weawwy is his response to all new, compelling, or potentially contradicting information -- and to any news his not-so-reliable siblings dish out.

Matron: "Yes. Really. How about this 8. You have 8 dogs and 3 run in the yard. What's that number that's left?"

Merrick: "B?"

Just as the Matron was about to impale herself upon a giant L, NPR sputtered out something about the Somali Pirates and that whole hostage-ship-capture thing that has dominated the news to all get out.

Merrick: "MAMA!! DID THEY SAY PIWATES ON THE WEAL NEWS?"

Matron: "They did indeed." And because this guy is the family's one and only future NRA member, (she hopes) she told him ALL about the pirates climbing aboard, seizing and stealing, and general good-time pirating.


Finally convinced that real life pirates still roamed the face of the Earth, Merrick literally -- truly -- pretended to fall off his chair in joy, shook his adorable booty and shouted to the ceiling: "Piwate USA come to Mewwick, Baby!" His propensity toward adding "USA" onto any phrase, as emphasis, puzzles the Matron, who has never personally modeled this chest-thump for her child.

Then the Matron had a wicked, beautiful idea.

Matron: "Merrick. The pirates are also in the newspaper. There are pictures and a whole article about them. When you learn to read, you can read all about the REAL pirates. Every day. While you eat candy. I promise." She pushed over the newspaper, evidence.

Merrick: "Weawwy?"

Matron: "Really." (okay she might be lying about that candy thing but if this continues into age 8, who knows. . .)

Merrick: "Okay! I want to wead about piwates!" And with that, he promptly pointed to the word "could" and said: "Is that 100?"

Maybe he'll be a master at world languages, since he's got that number/letter translation down pat?