Sunday, September 21, 2014

Nothing Says "Hey I'm 50" Like . . .




A certain medical procedure, which the Matron will undergo tomorrow at 10:00 am.    Please let her never see another cup of clear broth or green JELL-O again.    But when she sees her husband, post-procedure, he better be bearing a big cup of coffee and fully loaded bagel.

Other indicators of a certain age?

Every night the Matron consumes the following elixer:  magnesium, tart cherry, melatonin (timed release).    Because she is no longer capable of sleep without assistance and that 3/4 half a bottle of wine every night just wasn't working out that well for her.

Today's New York Times Magazine features Gary Hart's tryst with Donna Rice and all that fell out afterward and it seems like just yesterday when that all happened.   Plus she even knew who Gary Hart was.

Although the Matron has required eye correction since she was a very Wee Miss, she is now swapping out her contacts for glasses at night.   Because her eyes are just, well, tired, by about 6 pm.  Which is when 'night' begins for her now.

This summer, she attended weddings of two young women she'd known since they were Wee Misses themselves.  She has friends who are (gasp) grandmothers).   More than one friend and the grandchildren aren't necessarily tiny, either.

"Glory be" and "Heavens to mercy" are phrases that she actually uses -- with passion and commitment.

Please pour her another stiff cup of tea while she unlaces the orthopedic shoes. . . .



8 comments:

Cheri @ Blog This Mom!® said...

You did NOT just gasp at grandmother, did you? LOL! It may be my favorite thing I have ever been. :-)

Also, been there done that with the "procedure," which wasn't so bad and involved lovely drugs. WHAT?

I hope it turns out well in the end. Bun pun intended. XOXO!!!

Suburban Correspondent said...

What IS it with the sleeping? If I make myself go to bed at ten, I wake at 1:30 and am up until at least 4. If I hold out for midnight, I sleep until 6:30, but I am still tired. I CANNOT get a proper amount of sleep, no matter what I do.

And that whole complaint makes me sound old.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

The colonoscopy is a horrible, terrible, no good, very bad experience in my estimation. Hope you got the all clear.

Common Household Mom said...

Good luck with the 'certain medical procedure'. In my experience with this procedure (with n= 1 experiments) I was NOT ready for lots of food afterward.

And the sleep problems, oy.

Aunt Snow said...

Not a problem, the prep is the worst part. When it's over, you'll feel virtuous and hungry!!

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Hope things came out okay in the end...
Yeah, this age thing can be inconvenient.

Daisy said...

Sleep - I hear you. I am at the stage of needing my Neti pot and a Breathe-right strip to sleep through the night - that is, if I don't need to get up for another reason.

Karen (formerly kcinnova) said...

Since my mother died of a form of colon cancer, I had my first procedure at age 47 -- and have been wanting a follow-up sooner than they want to give one to me. (I have to wait until those 5 years are up.) (Yes, I am weird.) But in your case, I hope you are cleared for many years go come.

I didn't want to eat after it was all said and done. I wanted to go home and nap for 4 hours. Sleep deprived, who?