Friday, May 21, 2010

She Who Wants to be Named

Not that the Matron rereads her own writing for hours on end, lamenting her lack of professional success in this regard and heralding her skills. . . okay, stop.

But she came across an old blog post that spoke to recent events.

Ever since Stryker had his appendix out -- and he is slow, slow, slow to mend --- Scarlett has had a stomach ache. Dizziness. Fever? The mom is asked to check that out. Perhaps Scarlett broke her thumb? Did the Matron notice this slight rash on her leg? There's a bump on this elbow. Her hair has less texture. Is it normal to sneeze?

Scarlett: "Mom, my left eye lid feels sort of funny. Heavy. And I think I have some sort of swelling on my right big toe. Then there's my STOMACH! It HURTS. Plus I have a headache and sometimes my back itches. I'm in pretty bad shape."

You get the drift.

Matron: "Considering all these ailments, do you still want to audition on Saturday?"

Scarlett (instantly alive): "YES YES YES."

In the interim, the Matron takes the temperature and administers various creams.

Here's the old post. Ah, memories. And continuity.



Perfect. Quite versatile and as impossible as 'tummy' for others to assess. This may be a more flexible weapon. Whereas the tummy ache seems to require a beginning and end point, dizziness can weave in and out of consciousness at all times--here one fleeting, disorienting moment and gone the next. Dizziness has both laser precision and an an ethereal, Victorian quality that suits, entirely.

I'm quite impressed. This may be my personal favorite.

That, and on Sunday--while dizzy, and with head and neck aches (distinct ailments)--Scarlett reported that she was experiencing diarrhea and constipation simultaneously.

Have I said how talented my kids are?


smalltownmom said...

I had an aunt who had just about as many ailments...she had been perfecting her "sick list" since age 8. I have been thinking about writing about her...

Cheri @ Blog This Mom!® said...

Can one be in two seemingly opposite states at one time? Clearly. I picked up Laura from the school nurse's office earlier this year. She was much to sick to stay in class, she said, when I asked if she was sure she was that ill. Apparently, she was not too sick to go to the movies and eat popcorn when I asked if she was up to that. What would a good mom do? Make her stay at school? Heck no. We went to the movies and ate popcorn. Natch.

unmitigated me said...

Scarlett needs to do some research, like any good actor would do to prepare for a role.

Deb said...

My 14 year old son complained of chest pain. I told him to take two ibuprofen. Two hours later, he's still complaining. Me,"for gosh sake, EVERYONE has growing pains!"

Two hours after that, at hospital, having chest tube put in for a collapsed lung!

The guilt never goes away. ;-)

How do you know when it is serious, anyway?!!!

Jocelyn said...

Never let it be said your girl isn't multi-talented...and able to marshal drama to terrific effect.


Common Household Mom said...

Wow, it's like E.T. and Elliot. What would she do if you took her to the doctor (for a little individual attention)? I only want to go to the doctor if I'm really sick, but my 10-year-old loves going to the doctor and telling him her personal story.

FlourGirl said...

Can you imagine what she would be like if you were pg? Talk about sympathy pains. Oh wait, it wouldn't be sympathy, it would be...something else. Cheers!

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

When I wanted to call in sick for my (horrible) waitressing gig at Country Kitchen back in the day I relied on good 'ole diarrhea. It's indisputable and unprovable.

navhelowife said...

Oh I have one that has the stomach ache and dizziness. And headaches. And all the pain in the world...wait, is that someone for me at the door? Oh, I'm fine. Feel much better....
I will admit, however, that I allow my kids the occasional "mental health day" from school - days when you just feel "ugh" and can't do it.
When, however, does a MOM get one of those?

kcinnova said...

I have days like that. For me. The husband comes home from work, nothing has been done, no dinner plans made (and no dinner) -- but I can claim dizziness, upset bowels, and voila! No condemnation. However, I try to save it for the real thing... most of the time.

Ashley said...

Too funny. You should explain to her that the combination of diahrea and consitpation, while seemingly scary is actually called normal bowel movements. They're just tricky like that :)