Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Sticker Shock


Peanut Butter Cookie (Sugar, enriched flour, peanut butter, partially hydrogenated vegetable shortening, eggs, reese's® peanut butter flavored chips, peanuts, margarine, molasses, baking soda, natural vanilla flavor WONF, salt )1 cookie(0.5 oz)12593414.5590MORE

About two years, ago, the Matron was innocently going about her own business when she was overcome with the desperate need for Sugar and Caffeine: NOW.

Because a Bruegger's Bagel Shop was closest, she landed there.

While a bagel sounded good, the calorie-health conscious Matron decided that a cookie might be slimmer fare--this being 4:00 in the afternoon, a between lunch and dinner emergency. She could practically smell the peanuts wafting from the plastic wrapped peanut butter cookie.

But.

For some odd reason --she had never done this before and hasn't since--she asked the clerk if there was a nutrition sheet for the dense peanut butter cookie she was holding in her hand. Indeed, if there had been a terrorist attack, she could have vaulted that thing across the room and knocked anybody down with one strategic throw to the skull. It was that heavy.

Imagine her shock: 590 calories in ONE COOKIE.

Matron to clerk: "Do you know this ONE COOKIE has a third of the calories an adult, ahem, middle-aged woman needs in an entire day?"

Clerk: "Did I tell you that my granddaughter finally got her catheter removed? She can poop and pee now without the tubes."

Matron (how old are you? fearing they shared a birthday only the Matron still has her teeth): "Uh, that's great. But this cookie has 590 calories! That's criminal."

Clerk: "She's a dwarf. Did I tell you that?"

The Matron has a similar exchange about the 'dwarf baby granddaughter' every time she tries to buy her 330 calorie bagel. That's over 200 calories LESS THAN a cookie. Plus, she wonders if that poor child (who is two now) will ever live beyond the descriptor "dwarf baby."

Of course, the new health care bill requires all restaurants --including fast food joints -- to post calorie counts. She's pretty sure she's going to ignore anything about muffins at Starbucks. . .

Any guilty pleasure you want to continue, calorie count aside?


Oh, and that tent thing last night? The troops rolled indoors, where the Matron was waiting, around 10:30 pm. If there hadn't been that bloody nose (Merrick), tummy ache (Scarlett) and argument ( ), she would have been in bed by midnight.

9 comments:

Daisy said...

If they'd had peanut butter cookies, maybe they would have stayed the night.

Minnesota Matron said...

Yes, they could have secured the tent with them.

MJ said...

Life is short. Soon enough, we'll be in nursing homes & they won't let us have any of those things that aren't good for us. Get 'em while you can.

Suburban Correspondent said...

Bagel is generally 6 points; bakery/deli cookies, 10 points and up. Don't touch 'em!

Cheri @ Blog This Mom!® said...

argument ()

You are hilarious.

Professor J said...

I'm glad to hear the dwarf baby is now able to eliminate waste on her own! What a conversation. . .

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Good grief! For real? I'd rather not even know how many calories in a cookie.
10:30, huh? Not bad for first-timers:)

Deb said...

The reason the cookies taste so good...the amount of fat in them! Hence, all the calories. Oh, and the sheer size of them accounts for a lot of it, too.

I hate the 4:00pm, "I'm starved, what can I eat to hold me?" feelings. I can't say I have any great suggestions. I try to go for fruit, or my new/old find, a V-8.

Still, it makes the cookie that much more coveted.

I'm going to the chocolate buffet in Boston on Saturday and have been trying to control myself in anticipation of this long awaited EVENT!

Saucy said...

:( I never think to ask for the nutrition sheet. I try to watch "in general" but if I asked to see that sheet, I'd die of shock and then what's the point of all that nutrition? It's a vicious cycle. Eat the cookie.