Everyone who is anyone knows that the Matron suffers from a case of Incurable Clutter Brain Suck.
This means that if her environs are messy and disorganized, her brain is too. She simply cannot function. Clutter and clump make her crabby and disoriented. Definitely not in the mood for love.
Last week, she started her own Matronly tradition with What Fell Friday,wherein she chronicles the journeys of three items that happened to fall upon the floor. This is one of those items, first spotted on September 4.
This item is now -- GONE! The piece of paper journeyed right up into the vacuum cleaner. Why? Because Incurable Clutter Brain Suck so completely enveloped the shaking Matron, that she accidentally vacuumed up this paper in the course of her regular cleaning.
Note: the Matron + Vacuum + Regular Cleaning. Not anybody else.
The other two items have not had that much excitement. They remain where they've been since September 4. The Coke Zero is taking refuge underneath the living room radiator.
How can an empty soda can go unnoticed in the LIVING ROOM for over two weeks?! Someone walks by that can every 20 minutes. And the barrette, below? Secure. Sitting tight. Indeed the Matron herself is going nowhere near that barrette nestled outside the basement bathroom because THE MOLES ARE BACK!
Yes! The Matron is sharing her pristine environs with wild life! Again, completely unacceptable! Four days ago while the Matron was getting a dog leash, one of those little creatures swept just inches from her tender toe! She herself experienced its glinting eye and scurvy spine. Ugh!
Yes! The Matron is sharing her pristine environs with wild life! Again, completely unacceptable! Four days ago while the Matron was getting a dog leash, one of those little creatures swept just inches from her tender toe! She herself experienced its glinting eye and scurvy spine. Ugh!
Did you hear her scream!?
She also is taking this opportunity to tell her husband that she's now having an affair with a pickle salesman. As long as these items remain on the floor untouched and the moles go on repopulating, she knows he's not reading her blog.
Unforgivable, all.
7 comments:
What happened to the money idea? Are you afraid that dollar bills may get eaten by moles?
Pickle salesman? Because he makes you pucker up?
He smells nifty, Suburban!
heh heh heh ...
I didn't hear you screaming, do you hear me laughing?
Twenty-five years ago I could no longer tolerate take my husband's habit of leaving his clothes on the piece of floor where he was standing when he took them off. Rather than sorting through them, hanging up clean clothes, and throwing dirty clothes in the laundry, I just threw them all on the floor next to his side of the bed. Two weeks later, he still hadn't done anything with them and hadn't said anything. I asked him about the pile of clothes, and he told me he hadn't actually paid any attention to it. THEY DON'T CARE, and we do. So it's our problem (and 25 years later, he still drops his clothes on the floor - sorry).
I think we should organize a collective mother rant on a specific time/date and see whether the earth shakes. If people care enough to turn off lights and sit in darkness on Earth Day, I do believe this is feasible!
Same problem with the clothes on the floor. I gave up. Been picking them up for nearly 40 years. It will never change. I wonder if I had nagged or done something differently years ago, would it have changed? Could I have trained him? What will he do when I die? Maybe find someone else to pick up his clothes - or do you think he might pick them up if his NEXT wife refuses? Do you think he might pick them up to IMPRESS her? What if he thinks more of her than ME?
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