Wednesday, September 23, 2009


Today, Scarlett had a callback for a commercial involving some sort of video game. The Matron wasn't aware of the particulars, all she knew was her role: driving. She was to deliver The Talent to the casting director's door at 3:10. The job was one day and paid $2,400.

Can you spell college?

Because Scarlett and a good friend, Tessa, had a dance lesson immediately following the audition in a nearby locale, Tessa came along for the fun and Parental Convenience.

Van ride to audition.

Scarlett: "Tessie? Can you tell I wore these clothes for the past two days?"

Tessa: "Not really except for the spaghetti sauce on your pants. But it blends."

Scarlett: "My pants are green."

Tessa: "Blends into a new color, I mean."

Scarlett: "Oh well. And my hair is all sweaty from gym, too."

Now, the Matron will forgive you for thinking she dramatizes her decidedly low-key non-stage mother stance. Remember that kid in high school? The one who wailed: "OMIGOD I never studied I am going to FAIL this TEST" only to routinely get the best score in the class? The Matron knows PLENTY of stage parents who bemoan the genre generally -- who swear they are NOT like that!! People who make fun of the Mom combing her daughter's hair and double-checking the head shot --- only to do the EXACT SAME THING.

This another type of Stage Parent. Also not the Matron. The Matron is FULLY ENGAGED with the stage thing, but in an entirely different self-serving blogging sort of way. Scarlett can have therapy for that, too.

So Scarlett shows up for today's callback in stained clothing and sweaty hair. They wander up to the third floor casting office to find 15 other girls (18 out of 190 called for callbacks) in FULL PROSTITUTION HAIR, CLOTHES AND MAKE UP.

The Matron was genuinely aghast. Shocked. The audition called for tweens 11-12, rec room style. These girls had tightly curled hair, lipstick, mascara, blush. They were universally wearing mini-skirts and vests. Their mothers ? Please help her. All had some kind of leopard print on their person and more make-up and hair bleach than the Matron has had in her lifetime possession. They sat anxiously clutching purses and wearing "LOOK AT ME" faces.

For the record, the Matron was wearing a Snoopy t-shirt and jeans. With kick-ass black boots. And she's SO not adverse to attention (of anther sort).

As she was stumbling to orient herself, the Matron whispered to Scarlett: "What is this a commercial for?"

Scarlett: "I Carly"

The Matron immediately googled and this is what she found!!! Amidst a room full of Carlys.

Mothers combed hair. Straightened clothing. Fussed over shoes. Those girls were prepackaged fully-made up, air-dried and blown works of art. They could barely blink for all that mascara.

While Scarlett tried to wipe off her spaghetti stains.


Anonymous said...

So, did Scarlett get the part?

Hay said...

There is an iCarly video game? Do you shoot them all, cause I'll totally buy it.

Goodluck Scarlett!

(And actually I have a little trouble spelling college, I always want to put a d in there for some reason. Lucky we call it University)

Michele Renee said...

I just read Melissa Gilbert's autobiography. She went to a million commercial auditions as a kid in her natural, just after school kid hair and attire. She stood out and got jobs. Of course this was 35 years ago.
I have watched I Carly plenty of times. Loved the actress in School of Rock.
I love these stage mom, callback stories!

Michele Renee said...

I meant to say I watch it because my 3rd grader will have it on TV sometimes. No parents ever around. But it's pretty funny.

Minnesota Matron said...

I'd never heard of iCarly but those girls were all wannabes! The only problem is that the commercial isn't selling to kids who look like tv stars, but kids who look like, kids! We'll know if she got the job today. No call, no job. This is for - -yes, sorry Hay -- an icarly video game!

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Sheesh. Prostitution hair and clothes. I cannot fathom how you must sit and stare. I know I'd be biting my tongue--hard!

Susan said...

I love your approach. The Snoopy shirt made me laugh!

MJ said...

I would not do well in that business, either as a parent or as a potential child-star. I'm just bracing myself for the news that Scarlett got the part!