A Whole New Year

Back!

The Matron returns, like a well-rested and oiled machine, ready for Action with a clearly capital A.

Her respite from the blog--and her resignation as the President of the Parent Teacher Organization for one of her children's schools, and resignation from one of the five committees she serves on at work --- and some degree of reflection, taught her this: say no.

Now, 'no' is a word that doesn't come naturally to the Matron.

Merrick: "Mama can you bwing me some milk while I watch TV?"

Matron: "Of course!" (alternate answer: you can certainly get that milk yourself)

HWCBN: "Mom, can you iron my shirt for debate. I need it in about four minutes."

Matron: "Sure!" (alternate answer -- and you know this -- 'here's the iron.')

Scarlett: "Mom, can you drive me to Wisconsin for a sleepover after rehearsal and then pick me up for voice lessons in the morning?"

Matron: (pause). "Uh. . . " (choking a little). "Let's consider the sleepover thing for awhile." (Note that Wisconsin is just ten minutes away but it sounds dramatic--and, ever incapable of a clear, unilateral 'no,' yours truly hedges).

No is not her strongest suit.

Yesterday, she found herself agreeing to help a friend in need. This friend is suffering consequences of life choices and actions -- deep tissue, systemic consequences. Huge. Let's talk legal, physical, foundational and all due to addiction and some seriously bad choices that limped left of the law. But not only was the Matron unable to say 'no' to help, so as not to participate in the dysfunction, she actually volunteered for more duty!!

But today, "NO" appeared before her. It glittered on the hallway, surfaced in the early waking hours before dawn. "NO," a friend once said, is the most loving word you can say to a child. After Boc broke a glass of milk in the third floor family room, the Matron said NO more glass drinks upstairs; the dog will hurt himself.

No -- nobody needs seven hours of computer time in one day, HWCBN.

No -- 12 year olds don't quit school for local theater unless their parents are crazy (but let's hold out that wild card for a major motion picture).

No -- you may not have four doughnuts for breakfast and then eat Pringles for lunch.

And no -- the Matron cannot run the PTO, volunteer in the classroom, work full-time, attend to a theater child's needs, focus on debate club, do much driving and retain her sanity.

Finally, no to helping someone she loves continue to drink himself to death. This is one of the hardest because those initial 'no's' in this situation appear heartless.

So she cut off some of the duties and drama, cold turkey.

Friends, she considered cutting off the blog. But realized that the creative and communal energy she finds here is one of the things that keeps her going: thank you!

She hopes this was her mid-life crisis. And hopes her friend -- who doesn't read this blog or much of anything else these days -- is able to get the help he needs. That would be a great big yes for her.