Monday, January 4, 2010

Because That's the Kind of Husband She Has

Last night, the Matron behaved - well, badly, at first and then better.

Did she say "last night"? Actually, this would have been more like early this morning -- very early -- as in about 1 am, which was the time Merrick decided he needed to rotate beds.

Now, the Matron and her husband are very loose about who sleeps where. Too loose, in fact. So loose, indeed, that there is a near nightly lottery for who gets to sleep in the "big bed" (yes, theirs is a KING because John cannot be touched while sleeping; he has a foot no fly zone around him or at least he used to before the whole swinging door to the big bed issue).

Last night it turns out that not only did Merrick want to shift to the prized big bed in the middle of the night, he wanted to first boot out Scarlett so he could cuddle alone with the parents. Unbeknown to the sleeping Matron (in the big bed with Scarlett), Merrick had a raging meltdown after John nixed the waking Scarlett strategy; John swooped the screaming child up to the third floor to keep the silence.

Unfortunately, not.

Stryker woke up. The Matron woke up. She didn't get the background. Instead she completely flipped out and demanded why her husband didn't just plop the peanut in the big bed instead of bringing him upstairs and CAUSING all this ruckus. Of course, Merrick WAS the ruckus but the Matron was tired and pissy and just, well, got FULL OF RAGE toward her husband.

Her anger scared everybody else so much (there was the whispered hiss fight involved) that Merrick immediately cowered in the big bed alongside Scarlett where he hadn't wanted to be in the first place and -- even after the Matron went back to bed-- nobody could sleep because the other three felt her SEETHING beside them.

Then Stryker got up.

Got up. As in at 1:30 a.m, he couldn't sleep either. And, he was alone upstairs so the Matron, now behaving better, went upstairs to keep him company and reassure him that the occasional bout with insomnia (especially if your parents fighting or your brother's wailing woke you up in the middle of the night) was really no big deal: he could sleep in and be late for school if necessary.

That poor child - and the Matron -- was awake until nearly 5:30 am. This would be the part in which she behaved better.

Aha! Let's add up those numbers. This means the Matron was up from 1 to 6 am and that would be five hours.

She woke up at 8 with the wee ones while Stryker slept until 9 am. Everybody was--is---tired. John took the Matron by her slim shoulders and sat her down and told her, firmly, the background of last night's three ring circus and made it clear that she should have shut up and listened instead of yelling.

She was--is--contrite.

He then drove all three children to two separate schools. Then drove to a far flung suburb to haul home the craigslist elliptical machine that she wanted and he tracked down, tested and retrieved.

Then he sent her this love poem.

That's the kind of husband she has.


I was Meant to You Today

Things were difficult
and I was impatient.
You were trying to explain
why I must reorganize the files
on my computer, why
they all have to have project numbers,
why I can't put them
where they've always been,
what the tax consultant said,
what you need for your report
to the Board of Directors,
and it boiled down to my files
have to be re-filed, and they
have to have titles with no more
than twelve letters to leave room
for project numbers,
and I said, Well, dammit.
And you said, Don't talk like that.

You sounded pained
and I was mean to you.
I was bored and tired
and mad, and you were
trying hard. Later,
I went out in the rain.
I went to the mall
and bought us both really
expensive pillows. Down
pillows with 100 per cent
cotton covers, 400 thread count.
I have lusted after them for years,
ever since Mama told me
that she asked Grandma,
who was 86 and dying,
"If you could have anything
in the world, what would it be?"
and Grandma answered,
"A down pillow" and Mama
didn't have enough money.
I bought two down pillows for us all,
to say I'm, sorry.

Pat Schneider


Karen (formerly kcinnova) said...


I was biting heads off anyone who came within 8 feet of my last night. It wasn't pretty.

Wenderina said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Wenderina said...

not having kids - we don't have this issue - a cat or two yes, but neither of us has any trouble saying NO and locking them out. The battles and short tempers still exist however and this was a nice way to see it resolve. (sorry - reposted comment due to typos!)

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I hate being that pissy. Thank goodness for forgiving husbands.

One thing that is and has always been inviolate in our home is sleeping--everybody in their own bed. I watched a friend do the musical bed thing and I knew that I would kill somebody if I lived like that.

My 16-year old son seems to have outgrown the terrible insomnia he had for many years. Thankfully he always just stayed in bed and read-and he read a lot. I felt terrible for him, but wasn't sure what we being also awake would accomplish--besides turning me into a beyotch.

MidLifeMama said...

I almost never have trouble sleeping, yet the last few nights I have awoken around 1am, and can't get back to sleep right away. Last night I was awake every hour. And we don't have a child trying to sleep with us. We have never encouraged that, because much like your husband, I like sleeping untouched. Must be something in the cosmos.

Ulrike said...

ditto kcinnova's *sniff*

I love your family.

because I can relate to it on so many levels.

Anonymous said...

My husband has firm instructions never to wake me unless something is on fire. And then only if the thing is me.

Thank FSM for forgiving/understanding/patient spouses (spice?). Where would we be without them...

Daisy said...

Sniff. Hugs to all of you, including the sleepless ones.

Suburban Correspondent said...

I hate nights like that. Last night Larry ended up sleeping in Susie's bed with Susie, because first Susie was in her bed alone, then she came in with us, then she peed. And I had forgotten to put a diaper on her. So Larry slept in Susie's pretty little bed with the flowered quilt that matches her sister's across the room; and I? I slept rolled up in 2 down comforters at the foot of our bare king-sized mattress, assiduously avoiding the peed-on spot.

Very restful.

blognut said...

Awwww, too sweet. You're a very lucky lady.

I think the only poem Mr. Blognut ever sent me was one of those nasty lyrics that can never be repeated in public.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Aw man. What a guy.

jenn said...

I love that poem. What a classy way to make up!

BigSkyMum said...

Oh dear. Is it too late to institute a no musical beds rule in your household? Everyone needs a Bed of One's Own (considering the Matron and her husband 'One', I guess). I would not be able to be a content and civilized person in the daytime if I had to cope with the kind of nights you do.