Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Neighbor, she has his Permission to Blog about this

Matron: "Stryker? Did you have a nice time at the family potluck on Saturday?"

Stryker: "You mean your friend Cecelia's birthday party? The one you forced us all to go to? That potluck that mostly featured fake food like sushi.? The incredibly boring party where all the women were in the kitchen and the men were by the beer in the family room while the little kids trashed the basement?"

Matron (SO knowing when to pick her battles): "Yes, that one. Did you have a good time?'

Stryker: "Did you see me in the kitchen?"

Matron: "No? You were?"

Stryker: "All those moms! Nobody noticed me!! Every other kid was like, six, trashing the basement, and I was sitting in the kitchen with my iPod, with all the women. By the back hallway!!!!! GOD. Didn't you even notice me?"

Matron: "Uh, why no. You were in the kitchen hallway most of the night?"

Stryker: "MOM. I heard one million birth stories. All those moms in the kitchen for HOURS. (high voices) I was in labor 36 hours! My water broke in K-Mart! The doctor had to stick her hand into the birth canal and PULL. I wanted to f$%^^ kill my husband; sex is not that much fun. -- Can we just sum up the evening as the 13 year old boy hears 14 birth stories and really wishes he had not that much SPECIFIC information about female PROCESSES?

Matron: "Oh no. SO sorry. Wanna hear about how my water broke 40 hours before you were born?"

He didn't.

12 comments:

MJ said...

You have to feel sorry for Stryker! He probably misses the days of trashing the basement with the other little kids!

Inside the Philosophy Factory said...

I don't blame him - I don't want to hear those things, and I'm a 41 year-old woman.

Mama Ava said...

On the other hand...he did get a totally natural, unscripted, and real-time lesson on babies. Which are, of course, a by-product of sex. Planned or unplanned, all that stuff happens. So it's better to be prepared.

Cheri @ Blog This Mom!® said...

Shall I spare him mine or won't he read the comments?

:-)

Anonymous said...

I always thought that having a baby when my older daughter was 13 was the best birth control I could have handed to her.

Poor Stryker. He'll be putting the moves on some girl someday and he'll be thinking "birth canal. birth canal," and shuddering...

MidLifeMama said...

Ah, see if he goes procreating anytime in the next decade. Fabulous.

She She said...

Birth control via eavesdropping.

I just love Stryker.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

That kid is one in a million.

kmkat said...

Excellent, completely unplanned lesson in birth control for 13-yo boy.

Daisy said...

Just one thought: you might have convinced him that birth control is the only way to go!

jenn said...

Sounds educational. :) Although one does wonder why he didn't just crank up the volume on the iPod...?

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