Monday, October 12, 2009

Insanity, the Primer

First, the insanity is living in this godforsaken state. Let her drop one word from the sky, like a frozen flake of rain:

SNOW.

It is @%#$%^ snowing. The Matron must don furred boot and hood in order to transport youth from one locale to another. This is decidedly unfair and insane. Forget yesterday's "oh I'm all happy about life" sentiment. Today there is snow in the second week of October. What a difference a day makes.

Second, Annie rehearsals every night from 7-10 pm this week PLUS an audition for a holiday show tonight. She can hear you: just say no! Just say no!

Scarlett, with a big hug: "Mom, I am SO happy! My LIFE is acting!"

Sigh.

At least if this continues throughout high school, Scarlett will be too busy and too worried about her career to get into significant trouble. The Matron is banking that dime all the way through college.

Third, the Matron is living All Dog All The Time between Satan's Familiar, Snappy the Foster dog and geriatric Jekyll -- who is STILL bumping around. Saturday--remember, those good old days before snow? -- the Matron took SF on her daily run, as usual.

In a moment of complete insanity, she decided to let him off-leash. To frolic! Romp! Free to be you and me all 70s dog joy and such! So about two and a half miles from home, she unleashes the hound and returns to the riverside jog.

"Come on, Scruffy! Come on!" This would be the Matron, encouraging.

Satan, free, just sat there. He stared at the Matron. He stared at the wide expanse of space in which he was encouraged to leap and bound, even in slow motion like the movies because the Matron expected he would be that happy!

Instead, he turned around and RAN IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION. Away from the Matron!!!

Matron!!: "SCRUFFY COME HERE!!"

This would be what she fairly screamed while chasing that damn dog -- who zipped across streets and through alleys well ahead of the wild screaming furious-beyond-repair Matron, sometimes pausing to consider the Matron as she sped toward him, resting to lick a leg while she gained ground -- only to TAKE OFF the second she got within ten feet.

Twice, he barely evaded getting run over! Slammed into the pavement like the road runner. Gone forever. Dead. . . sigh. Out of her life! Sweet dreams, said the Matron. But really all she could think of was: "the children will never forgive me!"

Of course, she ran into several neighbors during this enchanted engagement.

"Mary?! Are you looking for Scruffy? He's up there, three blocks ahead!"

"Mary!!! Scruffy just raced past here! I think he's headed toward Ali's house!"

No indeed, he was not headed toward Ali's house. He went home. Yes, SF fled from 2.5 miles away and hoofed it to his front steps, where he calmly sat waiting while the Matron dragged her huffing hysterical self home -- her peaceful run turned into an all out panicked sprint.

Considering Saturday's Olympics, the Matron is revisiting her 'turn the blind eye' policy toward a certain dog sitting on a certain child's lap during breakfast. Yes, every morning while Stryker (who she is NO not blogging about) is eating his before school brown-sugar cinnamon pop tart, Satan's Familiar is all nestled in on his lap drooling, plate-side.

Because this occurs around 6:30 am, the Matron has sorta pretended it wasn't really happening. You know, if your dog has a place at the dinner table but it's not dinner -- because it's not even an hour in which actual human interaction should occur -- then the dog really ISN'T at the table anyway.

And she can't upload photos of all this fun (and believe it, there are worlds to go with the moles in the basement and the current battle between Scarlett's room and Incurable Clutter Brain suck), because gremlins have invaded her computer and destroyed that feature.

If a dog sits on someone's lap during actual dinner, does that count?

5 comments:

Karen ~ said...

well, since we all know that cinnamon sugar pop tarts are absolutely not a meal, no, they can never be consumed and thought of as real food for breakfast or any other meal, since that is a GIVEN and an international TRUTH, well, then there is no problem at all. No meal = no dog at the table during mealtime.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I love Karen's reasoning.

Hmmm. If I call my MIL in Moorhead I'm sure I'll hear that is 70 and sunny. Since she cannot allow that San Diego might have some features a little more, shall we say, attractive than Minnesota that is her standard weather report.

Suburban Correspondent said...

I so would not have chased that dog...

Hay said...

Iwish I could have seen SF running off and you in pursuit. Perhaps you'd consider a role in reality TV?

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Snow??? So sorry.
I have one with the acting bug here and it does keep them busy; but watch out for those theater kids, a very "creative" bunch.
And yeah, I would SO not have chased that dog...