Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Real Men Don't Answer the Telephone

Girlfriends.  

Please tell her:  do you recognize this scene?  The one in which the phone rings and your husband/S.O. simply walks by said ringing instrument as if he had no actual hearing?

In the Matron's home, the phone can ring while John stands two feet away and he does nothing.  It's as if the ringing telephone actually renders him suddenly physically incapable of moving in any direction toward a phone, whatsoever.

Here is the Matron when the phone rings:  short shot of lightening to check out the caller ID.  Now, she doesn't always answer the phone but she always assesses whether or not the call had Import or Not.

So when the Matron slogged home from work around 5 pm yesterday, there were several phone messages (because John + Telephone Without the Matron to answer = 0).  She listened immediately.  

"Hello.  This is Dr. Cardiologist.  I want to talk to Merrick's parents about the results of the heart halter.  Would you please call my office and ask them to page me so that we can speak."

This message fell into that tree where if a tree falls in the woods and nobody hears it does it exist around 1:30 pm.

Dear husband was SHOCKED that he missed it!   "Really.  I never heard any ring, not once."

Of course not.  Because you are a man. 

So today the Matron called the office at 8 am.   At noon she called again.  At 3 pm the cardiologist's secretary called to say that the doctor really wanted to speak with her but was very busy.  Hang in there.

There is nothing worse than not knowing.  Which is exactly how she spent her day, willing that phone to ring -- willing those little irregularities to be quirks and not landmines.   The Matron can read NOVELS into the fact that the cardiologist called so quickly and WANTED to talk to her. . . . and then an entirely different screenplay based on the fact that the doctor didn't call back!

She is creative that way, that Matron.

Tomorrow will dawn with strict instruction for the husband at home:  Answer the Phone.    Answers being the operative word!   

17 comments:

Becky said...

Yes, I know this behavior of which you speak. It is totally infuriating. And it's why we've gone to being a cellular-only household. He has his cell, and I have mine, and as long as he answers when I call, I don't care what he does the rest of the time, because my cell is "the family line."

Sending good karma your way.

kmkat said...

The doctor first wanted to speak to you to put your mind at ease. The next day he was so busy that he had forgotten that urge, but he did remember that there was no emergency with Merrick's heart. And that is why you haven't been able to talk to him -- because there is nothing to worry about.

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

Ha! We're the opposite, I hate how he always answers the phone without checking Caller ID first to see if it is worth his time.

The doctor was just hurrying to call to reassure you that everything is AOK.

smalltownmom said...

Ditto what kmkat said!

And another man story: Real men drag their wives and 13 year old sons to Home Depot for two excruciating hours. Because apparently they are unable to read labels. Toilet? Pull it off the shelf and hoist the 50 lb. weight into the cart. Then let said wife read label and discover it is the wrong size. I won't even discuss the paint cans or the plywood.

ModernMom said...

HI! New here but just had to comment!
I So agree! Must be a male gene. I would duct tape that phone to him until you get the call that tells you everything is just fine.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

My husband is just like that and I would have half-killed him if he didn't answer the phone for something like that. Sending good thoughts that it's nothing or as close to it as possible.

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

Mine answers the phone. He just doesn't give me the message. Ever. Even when I ask him if anyone called. No. Are you sure? Yes. And then, one of the kids or a friend will call back and say, "Didn't Tom tell you I called?" Um, no. "Tom, did so-and-so call?" Tom: "Oh, yeah."

The cardiologist had good news or he would have gotten right on the telephone and/or called right back.

Does the Matron have a cell phone number for the cardiologist?

Tammy said...

I agree with kmkat, but am saying a few prayers for Merrick just to be sure.

Lynda said...

My husband does the exact same thing - grrr!

Michele Renee said...

We eliminated that scenario by also getting rid of the landline a few years ago. All we seemed to get were sales calls. But then what happens.....the kids get older and more social and suddenly they needed a phone so those weekend plan-makers had a place to call our boys at home. So we got a line that is set up thru the computer. If that phone rings it is for the boys and we ignore it. Very hard to train the next generation up (our parents) to not use landline for us.
But back to that missed phone call. I agree in that the doc wanted to personally call to tell you that there is nothing seriously wrong.

Miss Grace said...

I don't answer the telephone. In exactly the way that you describe. Am I a real man?

Amy said...

My husband is SO bad at this. I hate not knowing. I hope you hear soon.

Rima said...

Actually, in our house, I am the person who doesn't answer the phone. The phone is my enemy.

Ree said...

This is the problem with both being home all day, too. He sees who is calling (it flashes on our television) and throws the phone at me with, "it's your sister" "it's your mother" "it's whoever."

Daisy said...

I recommend a talking caller ID. You can hear the number from wherever you're sitting and decided whether to answer or not. it works for us!

thefirecat said...

Some men (of the "have already hit 40" variety) actually CAN'T hear a ringing phone, if it's a higher pitch. I can be sitting on a porch with my dad and my mom (who is deafer than he is) and he will not hear a phone ring that both my mom and I have bolted upright to retrieve.

But he can hear the bass line of the salsa music next door that my mother can't.

Then, there are the husbands who tune it out the way they tune out the crying baby or the talking wife. Or the pinging alarm clock. Or the buzzer on the dryer. Or.....

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