Sunday, January 18, 2009

What She Loves about Capitalism

The 104 lb, 5 foot 4 Matron has been pounding out those four daily miles for oh, about 20 years now. For the last 14 years, she's also been practicing yoga. For the record, Matron can bend forward from the tailbone and fold herself in half, resting her chest on thighs -- nearly straight.

She actually had her husband take a photograph of this, but in the end, could not bring herself to post a photo of herself featuring mostly, her butt. So here is someone else's butt as example, courtesy of her friend The Internet.



As mentioned earlier, after two decades of exercising mostly without cost, January's icy freeze finally drove her to join a gym for the first time.


Turns out, LifeTime Fitness stores a warehouse full of personal trainers, all seeking fresh meat to firm! One of them contacted the Matron with the standard offer for a one-time, free Fitness Assessment, in which her flexibility, strength and endurance would be thoroughly documented and dissected.

She's not proud. Always looking for that ego-stroke, she said: "Sure!"

And after her test -- in which she folded herself in half and then (for fun!) stood on her head and then did a backbend, followed by a ten minute cardio test in which she ran 6 mph without real exertion-- after this, the 280 lb, 5 foot 7 "personal trainer" who was sweating more than the Matron said, not only with a straight face but with utter conviction and sincerity: "Okay, but there's room for improvement. For just $259 and 6 weeks, I can really get you into shape."

21 comments:

Jennifer (Jen on the Edge) said...

And what did you say when he said that?

thefirecat said...

Does it involve the phrase "like a hammock, but for your uterus" ?

Geebus, Mare. How desperate ARE these people?

(PS, I am scheduled for 3 miles of hill repeats tomorrow. Boo.)

distracted by shiny objects said...

"Just a gigolo
everywhere I go
people know the part
I'm playing..."
Just what kind of shape did he want to get you into??

JCK said...

Methinks he wishes a date with the Matron.

That must feel good to know you are in such good physical condition. I hope to get there.

phd in yogurtry said...

free market, ain't it great?

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

I can get my chest to touch my thighs, also; but mainly because my chest is so big and my thighs not too tiny, either.

Balou said...

A pretzel. Maybe that's the shape to get into. Score one for the Mighty Minnesota Matron!

Patti said...

Aaack!

laurie said...

hard to believe that if you truly weigh 104 pounds a picture of you would be mostly butt, no matter what position.

i weighed 104 pounds once. i was, um, 18 years old.

Jennifer said...

Let's see... You are two inches taller and weigh 20 pounds less than I.
It seems that running 28 miles a week and doing yoga is a better fitness plan than SITTING inside THINKING about RUNNING and DOING YOGA while EATING baked (healthy!) Cheetos and drinking DIET coke.

Hmmm.

Lynda said...

If I weighed 104, there would be photos ALL OVER my blog!

Ree said...

Of course he did. ;-) Geez.

Melissa said...

Okay, I just tried this little maneuver of which you speak. I got my upper and lower body into *almost* a 45 degree angle.

You guys are freaks of nature!

Now excuse me while i go take a muscle relaxer!

The Finely Tuned Woman said...

He had to say that, didn't he? The booger needs the commission and can't have you just be nearly perfect. By the way, that's a lot of money, surely you're not going to give it to him?

Heather said...

What a jerk.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Ha1 I hope you totally laughed in his face!

Optimist said...

Dear Mary. I hate you.

xoxoxo Bonnie in Houston

Jennifer - we are in the same boat! Hee hee!

Seriously MM - you are a wonder to behold!

AuthorMomWithDogs said...

I think I would have laughed so hard that I would have pulled a muscle!

I'm still pretty flexible -- always have been naturally -- but you are awesome MM!

Julie said...

Perhaps Personal Trainer should meet Dr. Youngster?

Jennifer H said...

104. Huh. I think I was 15 the last time I weighed that. Or 12.

There you go, proving that exercise works. Damn you.

(I hope you laughed in his face.)

Minnesota Matron said...

The Matron told the hefty trainer that the cost was prohibitive. She was polite :-) But saved the sauce for the blog post . . . .