Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Wherein the Matron Drowns in a Pool of Her Own Drool

Oh my! The Matron blushes while she wipes her chin (it's that time again -- technological drool, sweeties). Sweet, sharp Angie over at Are We There Yet sent her this!

The award is for writers who"...inspire others with their creativity and their talents, and for contributing to the blogging world in whatever medium." To the unskilled Matronly eye, it appears the award originated here and the recipient is to pass on the award to five others.

Now, the Matron deserves an award for getting the above image to her blog!

She was under the initial understanding that such transfers happened Samantha-style, via nose wiggle or star dust sprinkle! But it turns out that Google Images is not the only place where right clicking works. She learned to right click and 'save this image' on just about any old thing, about two days ago, after nearly one year of blogging.

Several weeks ago, seduced by the sleek Typepad and encouraged by Witchypoo, the Matron opened a Typepad account. Yes! The Matron can blog on Typepad. If she were actually capable of using it. RSS feed? Um. . . she found its possibility in her Google gadget toolbox but, damn, if she doesn't need a Handy Man to show her how to drill that bit.

Digg it? She doesn't!

BlogHer sent the Matron a message, asking her to insert some new code. Jenny? Are you reading? She tried but didn't make it past the second step! One look at the labels on this blog -- everything with Mary Blethic or Mary Politics instead of a self-contained Blethic or Politics -- shows you how hopeless it is! She can't even label her own posts, Jenny, let alone comprehend BlogHer's new code. Help!

The Matron, via her real name, is also chummy with one million others just like her on Facebook and MySpace, Linkedln and more. . . you should see her stumbling in, without one clue how to send a message. People invite her and she just clicks on the link. Beyond that, she is Lost In Space. . .

Yesterday, as part of her scramble -- okay, drooling crawl -- into the 21st Century, the Matron thought it might be helpful to have an actual web site, not on Blogger, but a real independent bona fide web site, called . . . drum roll, please!!: Minnesota Matron! To that end, she knocked on Google's door and asked if she could, pretty please, purchase

Only to be told, in no uncertain terms, that this name was already taken!! Slam!

Huff! She strongly objected!! Could there be another?!

The Matron immediately typed into her thingie where you type those things to see who in the world -- probably her own state! -- had the audacity to assume her assumed identity, only to be taken to the owner's page of!

Owner's page?

After spending about four Simpsons episodes (because that's how they are measuring time here, lately) trying every possible combination of user name and password known to mankind, she GOT IN! The web site, which appears to actually be alive, winked and beeped: "Hello Mary."

Then, she jumped into that great black vat called the Memory of a Fortysomething Mother of Three with Full-Time Job and No Housecleaner and swum around that cesspool for a good long while until she finally remembered!

She bought that domain name about nine months ago! Yes! Saved! She IS the Minnesota Matron. Thank Heavens, because she is attached to her fine alias self. Please, please: no holding your breath, waiting for said web sites to actually appear. That's a lot of technology for the woman who asks her children to turn on the TV!!

You see, the Matronly brain is nonlinear. Indeed, when the idea for this blog post 'came to her' it blasted into her brain to this tune!

Here's the story
of the lovely Matron
who is lost inside her own sweet head
she cannot understand her own computer
let alone the internet

Now, drop that brain into HTML and it goes crazy, bumping up against all those rules and widgits and < > \ ? / . That brain simply squawks, sputters and dies! Sigh. Ever the optimist, she's signed up for every possible high tech opportunity at her new job, where They promise even she can Photoshop and Excel!

Till then, she remains your intrepid, limited blogger, just one more mama following her wacky brain where it leads her. . . and a fellow professor mama gave the Matron this!

Kalynne has NINE children! And she's still standing, even though some of them drive automobiles.

And here here's the Matron tossing out that first award to these five blogs. Go visit!

Heathen Family Revival, Surely You Nest, Omighty Crisis, Where Karma . . . Meets Camera, and One of Three for various arbitrary reasons!

Hiccup! That would be the Matron, choking on all that drool. . . .

'08 Ass Project: 26 pages of the novel, revised!


MamaBird said...

The fact that you bought the domain name and then forgot and hacked into your own site is, ah, somewhat amusing. I share your Luddite tendencies, btw. Thanks for the award! You rock (revisions - woo hoo!).

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

Yes, what mamabird said...

Professor J said...

It is more than somewhat amusing--it's hysterical! And so like something I'd do.

Angie said...

My stomach is in pain from all the laughing at this post.

You forgot you purchased your domain name and hacked into your own website?! Priceless and hilarious.

Exactly why you received that award from me:) Awesome job on the revisions! Congrats.

Kimberly said...

Oh thank you, THANK YOU for this post. I'm so happy to hear I'm not the only HTML challenged blogger in the blogosphere. I have my own site, my own wordpress account sitting unused because I can't find time to figure it out.

I just want to say, you made me feel so much better.

And congrats on the award! Yay you!

Nora Bee said...

Congrats! You are way more techno than me!

Jocelyn said...

Oh, you are a honey. Big thanks!

I laughed all too knowingly every step of the way, in this post. RSS Feed? I'd need a year's sabbatical (with no required duties to my college) just to figure that out.

But look at you, with all those images! What a Grown-Up Matron you're becoming, indeed.

Yes, Jim is the man who links all things.

JCK said...

You, my matron, truly kick ass. Loved this post. Most amusing, especially you having bought your own domain and then not remembering. Glad someone else is like me at times...

As for Kalynne. She is a goddess of loveliness and I met her last Saturday!

Anonymous said...

Oh Matron, a hearty thank you from the bottom of my garden, er heart.

Heehee, that was 9 months well spent!

see you there! said...

I aspire to your level of tech genius. You even have a blog banner like all the grown ups.


Julie said...

You are not alone in your computer befuddlement. The computer tech guy was by the office yesterday and asked if everything was okay with my computer. My response? "Ummm...yes or I'm too stupid to know that something's not working right."

Congrats on the award! :)

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

The Matron? She's a hacker? No! She's a self-hacker!

Melinda said...

Welcome to the club of "do not get this". You may be crawling but I think I'm being drug.

Magpie said...

I love that you plum forgot that you bought the domain.