1. Most important first! The Matron is frequently right smack dab on the friggin' money, so advice so dispensed is like gold bullion, baby. Because the Matron noted that Boys Will Be Boys and John Edwards just went and proved her right. Say it ain't so, oh so progressive one! Sigh. . .
So don't let you husband run for political office.
2. But do use a tongue scraper! The Matron learned about this device at a recent yoga workshop and she is a convert. People, well populated colonies grow on our tongues overnight. You can remove them and your entire life will be better, truly! Just don't look at the teeming masses you're destroying or you will faint. The exotic tongue scraper can be found by the toothbrushes in Target Boutique.
3. Skip The Happy Meal -- and all the rest. Kids meals have double the necessary calories! Not to mention contain very little actual flesh and blood food (the Matron will classify these chemical substances in fast food as Food-Like Items).
4. When your dog gets old enough (here we're talking 15.5 years) that he is so blind and unaware of his surroundings that you can take a flash picture of him and he doesn't notice? When he's that old, let him sleep anywhere he wants, even if he chooses to be here, all day, every day. Yes, this would be smack dab in the middle of her kitchen, and it is not convenient.
5. Read today's installment of The Torture Chronicles, below!
6. Have a lovely weekend!
The Matron has a steadily growing number of readers (you're a relatively quiet bunch) and she thanks you!