Although the Matron was recently reassured that her daughter was having a damn fine time at Camp, Scarlett is claiming otherwise. As a supplement to her primate-like photography skills, here is text.
Sunday (most likely penned about ten minutes post-Matronly departure)
Hi Mommy & Daddy & MeatloafHead ( family pet name for Merrick and ground zero for future therapy)
Actually it is not really as fun as you said.
Today we found out that Camp Olson is doing a Olympic contest between cabins, we had to make up a team name. Ours is: "The Devilettes," our cheer is: "We have horns, we are red, go-o-o Devilettes!" (she's sure this goes over well in a YMC as in Christian A Camp)
But, as I said before, it's not that fun, and I'm almost ready looking forward to coming home.
Will you send a picture of Scruffy? (if she had her way S.F. himself would be in a box headed
in any direction)
I practically wanna come home. (seems to be the heart of the narrative)
Scarlett
Monday
Mom & Dad,
We aren't doing very well on the Camp Olson Olympics. I think we're almost last.
Tomorrow (Tuesday) we are leaving just after lunch to go sleep in a tent somewhere (gasp! the Matron just HATES that sort of thing herself! SO sorry sweet diva! but she guesses children should develop their own healthy disdain for Outdoors rather than live through their mother's, so have at it) and we leaving to hike and kayak back, like between 8 & 9 a.m.
I wanna come home. . . . bad
(Decisive return to main narrative thrust at ending)
- Scarlett
At least the Matron knows, through the Torture Chronicles, that her daughter is alive and kicking. Indeed, after mentioning her daughter's general histrionic constitution to the Camp Director, he appears to be personally following her around with a camera. The Camp web site has dozens of pictures of her frolicking, smiling, manipulative malleable thespian who is clearly currently playing dual roles. Well.
Stryker? Not a word. And, although there are about two million pictures on the web site (she knows - she's scoured every group shot), not a single photograph of her son. But, she knows she'd get a phone call if missing or dead -- probably even a refund -- so she's not worried.
More worried about what future Torture Chronicles may bring, especially post-tent experience. Her little apple, bouncing close to the maternal tree!
12 comments:
She can't let YOU know she's having fun!
Wait until you can show her the photograph proof of all the fun she's having...
:-)
That is funny! There should be a ceremonial showing of the pictures on the website when she gets home!
I love this. The first time Shortman went to soccer camp, he was miserable.
Then, on the last day, he decided he didn't want to come home.
Why the change?
He figured out you could hang out with people other than your roommates!
Manipulative may be the key word here...
Poor little diva. I hope you're having a good time, at least.
My little diva fixed me. She went, reluctantly, got through it. Got the Camper Award for best camper (so no one could say she did not give it her best shot). Came home and proceeded to tell me that she was never, ever going to camp again. According to her, her tentmates (age 10 also) had ear infections, threw up, cried all night long, and one kicked her repeatedly (and pretty much has never spoken to her since). She has held true to her word and 5 YEARS later, still will not go to camp or almost any other sleep away activity. Good luck.
I agree...a picture is worth a thousand "Hello Mutha, Hello Fatha" letters.
Playing devilette's advocate here... but HIKING! Come on, Matron. That's a bit much. I'm in awe of her ability to pen such tragic missives whilst completely enjoying herself.
This is so funny, I'm crying here. I hope you're saving all those photos of her smiling & frolicking to your desktop so you can show them to her when she arrives home.
Whatever doesn't kill her will make her stronger. And give her things to share with her therapist later on in life.
Just grounds for years of therapy blaming you for all her problems:)
You haven't heard anything from Stryker b/c he is rallying his troops and going for gold in these Olympics!
My kids all hated camp too. They talk about it like it was child abuse. Maybe camp is over-rated and never like they show it in the movies.
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