Yesterday's now deleted blog post taught the Matron a lesson.
You see, the post bothered the Matron, even as she wrote it. She took one tiny slice of her 20 week experience at a certain Dance Studio dipped her toe in Hyperbole and developed tunnel vision.
While she was writing, the fact that the 'neighbor' to whom she referred was not actually just a neighbor but a dear trusted friend whose disciplined, talented and smart daughter has spent well over one decade at that studio--well, those facts caused her some discomfort.
You already know what's coming. Because you are smarter than the Matron.
She also knew -- while she poked fun at the place and people--that she was side-stepping all the considerable good things about the studio. On purpose. She persisted, in pursuit of the under-30 minute daily post.
That post hurt her dear friend --and the whole family--deeply.
Here's the dicey part. There is no "Minnesota Matron." She's a third-person construct. Non-existing. And then there's me (hi! This is Mary talking!).
Generally, the Matron -- who is far more imperious (and confident) than her real life counterpart---manages to juggle the delicacies of creative nonfiction. For her, creative nonfiction means when necessary, she takes the truth and readjusts it for the sake of the story.
But yesterday she forgot that friendship--and the real life feelings of people she cares for--trumps the sake of the story.
She's grateful that the friend is smarter and more generous of spirit than she is and forgives her (but not without a well-earned upbraiding!). Although this was far less dramatic than getting dooced, the Matron prefers not to experience such discomfort again.
And, to make the day entirely humbling, The Children's Theater called to say that her daughter is not Madeline material.
Rats. The Matron needs strangers to deconstruct. Because she is going to treat her friends better.
13 comments:
Ouch. I guess we all need to monitor our "If it makes the story better . . ." and "Entirely true, but exaggerated for comic effect . . ." tendencies. Lesson learned.
I've had that happen: A post is good, but perhaps is a bit too "hot" to post. For me, I simply cannot blog about my stepmother or my mother-in-law, just in case they ever stumble upon my online presence.
I confess I did not read yesterday's post. (sorry!) But I think it's a very good thing to know when you're wrong and to attempt to make it right. There are far too many people who would say "eh, they're just being too sensitive."
Perhaps the fact that I seldom write things other than about myself or cute things my kids did makes my blog rather mundane or boring, but at the same time I think that is why some people (a few!) choose to read it.
How fabulous to have such a good friend though. An understanding one.
It's hard to find that balance. I've learned to write it and then let it sit for a week before going back to see it fresh, to see how Publish v. "Will this hurt someone's feelings" wins out.
For what it's worth, I thought the piece was great, and while I understand what you're saying here, I think you're still entitled to your perspective on the place. In fact, your piece so evoked my dance lessons as a child that I had nightmares of taps and blue eyeshadow and bossy stage mothers.
Well, I didn't have a chance to read it yesterday either....but I will say that I love Mary and her alter ego, The Matron, all the more for admiring that she did something that hurt her friend. Admitting our mistakes is often not easy....and your example of grace is much appreciated.
You've handled this with grace, and I admire you for that.
I'm glad the friend understands the Matron's process of story telling, and also glad the Matron values her friendships. It was still a great post.
I'm so glad you apologized to your friend and that she accepted it. Yowch! Not fun, I bet. Ach, humor has an edge. And you have a big heart despite your sharp wit.
Ouch. I'm glad you were able to mend it up.
Ugh. This is the very reason I don't tell my friends about my blog.....I never know when to shut the hell up.
As for you, the fact that you took responsibility for what you said, apologized and made it right, makes me like you even more. Everyone screws it up every once in awhile - to admit it, apologize and move on is the right thing to do.
Hang in there - you are a great writer.
So sorry to hear about Scarlett not being in Madeline. If you ask me, she actually looks exactly like Madeline!
A while back I wrote a post about the previous owners of our house, and my DH was worried they might zoom in on my blog despite the fact that they live in Outer Space Blogfree Zones. Of course, his innocent little remark made me worry all day that MAYBE THEY WOULD see my blog post. I didn't delete though. My condolences to you on yours. It happens.
I have such a hard time changing the bones of a story that involves others, because I think I might be challenged on it, (not that we all see a situation the same)I can't exaggerate much even when I write creative non fiction essays for newspapers and magazines- because I think you can see where the writer goes "off." Maybe that's why I write more fiction now-- except my blog, of course that's ALL true.
It is so galling to realize that something you wrote (and maybe felt strongly about) was not appropriate. I'm dealing with that today, also, about a comment I wrote (elsewhere) yesterday. I feel as if I embarrassed myself in front of thousands of strangers.
But, hey, we all make mistakes, right?
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