Monday, July 4, 2011

The American Dream

Ah, July 4.

A time to review history, perhaps? Browse through the constitution, memorize a poem about George Washington or study the first tea party?

No.

It appears July 4 currently constitutes four days of nonstop fireworks, alcohol -- and shopping. Fourth of July sales abound. Indeed, the venerable Matron opened the newspaper this morning to discover that EVERY STORE IN AMERICA was having a sale. And they were all open, all day.

So now you can pound a beer, gobble a brat, light some juice and then spend money! Just don't try that history thing and you'll be fine.

Predictably, the Matron was pooh-poohing this, considering herself above the fray in all its aspects. Now, the fray lives in her very own neighborhood, which is situated on a beautiful bluff high above the Mississippi river. The panoramic view of urban fireworks brings thousands -- thousands -- of revelers to pee on people's front lawns, throw garbage around, light illegal fireworks, drink beer and, finally, watch the city's fireworks.

The Matron smugly stays home.

Yet . . . .

He Who Cannot Be Named (HWCBN): "Mom? I'd like to sell bottled water and juice on the bluff tonight. Bet I make a killing."

And he did. HWCBN took a wagon full of bottled water, juice boxes, change, signage and his little brother to the drunken masses and sold them water. While they sold all their ware, they also got several requests for beer. Which they did not have.

The Matron is still pondering what breed of adults would ask a 15 year old and 8 year old if they were selling alcohol.

Now, shortly before departure, HWCBN got an idea for a second, side money making venture along the bluff. Merrick, adorable as all get out with mish-mashed front teeth (you know that adorable phase where the big ones are half in?) and precious second grade posture, could play the violin! With his case out -- for money.

The kicker? He played "Go Tell Aunt Rhody" with lit sparklers attached to the bow (video on youtube soon).

At the end of the night, their hourly wage beat the Matron's. And her children fit right into the fray: crass commercialism and inappropriate play with fire. She's just doing her patriotic duty as a parent.

6 comments:

Catherine said...

Glad to see that you're back. have a wonderful summer.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Oh no! I was JUST LIKE YOU--refusing to even buy EGGS just on principle! And there go your boys--capitalists, prospering! HWMNBN is brilliant. Merrick is, too.

Laura said...

Forget spending money on a holiday like that...we went to Fort McHenry (we're in Baltimore) on Saturday and hit the firing range on Sunday. Our houseguests appreciated the historical approach we took this weekend.

Jessie said...

That is a genius idea. It sounds like your kids are definitely going to be able to take care of themselves!

Suburban Correspondent said...

We live on the edge of a golf course; my kids make money selling the many golf balls we find on our property back to the golfers who lost them. Also? Lemonade...

Jan said...

It's not a surprise that a child who loved Thurston with such passion would adopt a cat too. What a sweet boy!

I join in the chorus in saying I'm glad you're back and wish you a delightful summer!