Tuesday, March 29, 2011

The Matron Must Hire a Hit Man, Again

Regular readers might appreciate the antics of Satan's Familiar.

He poops in the basement with amazing regularity. If only everyone could be that reliable with bowel reduction.

His favorite place to sit? On someone's lap at the breakfast/lunch/dinner table. There are children in the household who foster this propensity.

But the new dog -- the now 80 pound blood hound has surpassed Satan's Familiar. Indeed Boc (sadly his name is an acronym for Big Old Canine, thanks to the children; the Matron preferred Othello) is stellar in the destruction arena.

Here are John and the Matron in the car on the way home from some event or errand.

John: "Dollar amount? How much destruction did Boc do today while we were gone?"

Matron: "Ten dollars."

John: "Eleven. I just won."

And he did. . .

Friends, not only does this dog eat socks, t-shirts and leftover food, he has an amazing ability to steal knives from the dishwasher. How he opens that it beyond her intellect, but he does.

Routinely, children are terrified. This is the end of March in Minnesota, which means the Matron wipes up all kinds of footprints and cleans up after Boc finds leftover goodies in the backyard from last spring (yes, we're talking poop).

Satan has landed the Matron another henchman.

But at least she can target the dogs as the rule of the devil instead of the teenagers. The young people should kiss each snout every day and thank their lucky stars that another being in the household is pure evil.


MJ said...

Hmph. You almost convinced me with this post to get a dog. What are you up to?

Having a dog would change my despair over raising children to my despair in having a dog which is less well behaved than my children. Sometimes it is best to shift your focus. Having a dog might not be so bad...

Cha Cha said...

Ooh. Heed my warning, dear Matron - if you don't have pet insurance yet, get it. I speak from experience when I say that surgery to remove random stuff from the canine digestive tract ain't cheap.

But also? I love Boc. It just seems like he knows he's got it good, and that delights me.

kcinnova said...

My husband blames the cat for everything. I might believe it if he blamed a dog.