"I the undersigned do attest that I have never before parented and insofar as I have no experience for this job I am now liable for my mistakes (turn page). And I agree to pay for any counseling in perpetuity (insert name of child who authored the document-- let's just say this child cannot be referred to on the blog) may require as a result of my parental ineptitude.
Signed ___________________ Mary (mother in question)
___________________ John (father in question)
Whoa. The Matron is not taking on that bill. She needs to start thinking about retirement. Good luck, oh nameless one. And she applauds your visionary stance and careful planning for the future.