Monday, October 11, 2010

Fictional Conversation with Teenager

Mother: "How are you this morning?"

Of course, it might be -- if this was real -- 6 am and a moment in which everyone else is still temporarily asleep. The mother woke at 5:40 to craft a nice breakfast requiring actual stove usage: pancakes, bacon, good orange juice. All this might -- if this was real -- be on the table.

Teenager (of indeterminate gender and age, although let's veer below 16): "Why do you always expect me to be hungry when I wake up? That really annoys me."

Mother: "No worries. I'm hungry. I'll eat so there's time well spent."

Teenager: "THAT really annoys me too. You always put such a positive spin on everything. I hate that."

Mother (floundering about for a non-positive spin that doesn't escalate to "OH MY GOD YOU INGRATE"): "Ummm. . . pass the orange juice, please."

Remember it's just 6 am and our fictional heroine would be groggy, and perhaps at the mercy of a 55 lb blood hound puppy.

Teenager: "It's just crazy how someone can't walk down and have a simple bowl of cereal in silence instead of all this fuss. Who eats pancakes on a Monday morning?"

Tick, tock, tick, tock. Our fictional maternal unit might --if this was real -- be about 90 seconds away from taking the pancake griddle to a certain someone's head.

Teenager: "What? Now you made this huge ridiculous breakfast and you're also not talking to me?"

Mother: "What about the silence request?"

Teenager: "I never made that request. Now you're imagining things."

Mother: "Okay then."

Teenager: "Okay then?! What does THAT mean? Is that CODE for something?"

Yes, my dear, it is. Code for: within a few short years, you'll be living somewhere else. And your mother will miss and worry about you. So she's putting maple syrup on the pancakes and skirting around your edges. With love --and mostly -- understanding.

13 comments:

Suburban Correspondent said...

Congratulations on not implementing the griddle idea. I think I might have been tempted.

Anonymous said...

Oh Mary, welcome to my world! Thank you for putting an amusing spin to it, I had a rough weekend with mine and also thought that griddle idea sounded tempting! Thanks for the smile, I DO really love him, honest! Bramble

SUEB0B said...

I was a lovely person like this, too. I think I have grown out of it.

Deb said...

You know, they have a griddle tossing event at the Sandwich NH fair every year!

kcinnova said...

When I bother to make breakfast, I also get told they aren't big eaters in the morning. That is, if they wake up in time to even eat something.
And now the oldest is at college and I worry that he might not be eating enough. *sigh*

So "enjoy" it while you can.

MJ said...

I see the future looming at me again...

JFS in IL said...

You still make breakfast for the little ingrates? ;-) I just make sure there are things in the larder and the kids eat or not.

Xtreme English said...

Is this the one who wants you to home school her?

One of my daughters came to visit this weekend, and before she left home, she made a big batch of chili and some brownies. HER teenaged daughter remarked, on seeing the brownies, "It's either feast or famine with you, isn't it?"

Where do these modern kids learn to talk to their mothers like that?

Catherine said...

Interestingly, my husband loves to tell me how much, once the boys are off to university, I will miss 'reminding' them to make their beds, pick up after themselves, empty their schoolbags/sports bags etc at the end of the day. My goal is that they will have learned how to do all this before they leave.

I have one son who hates to eat in the morning and one who really wants to put on weight for his sports. Famine AND Feast. Luckily they both like to talk and I don't have to deal with the silent treatment.

Some mornings, I'm tempted to use the toaster (the griddle doesn't come out during weekday mornings at my house!)

Laura said...

I was the *exact* same way. I got so mad at my mother for making me bacon and eggs on a school morning. It was a control thing, of course. I wanted to pretend I was living on my own. Breakfast was kind of a reality check that I wasn't.

Laurie said...

Mary...be forewarned...

It only gets worse.

Yes...worse.

Sorry.

On the bright side--ok, there is one...I know it...

My 16 yr old's choir concert made me very proud that I hadn't conked him over the head yet with my cast iron skillet...

=)

Anonymous said...

So glad to hear that someone else fusses about making breakfast (and lunches too still). Of course, I keep hearing it would probably be in their best interest to do some of these things themselves so they will know how when they are adults, but is that really true? My mom never fussed over us once we got to Jr. High, but I remember so well all those lunches I'd come home to (we lived close to our elementary school) that would be all ready and waiting for us, and I had no trouble learning how to make lunches for myself when I got older. By the way, the attitude thing is so tough, so hard to hold back that griddle, but it sure is amazing to get the other feedback - the stuff that they know and convey when they lose the attitude. xo

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

I adore screwing with gnarly teenagers by being super peppy back at them. I know, I have a mean streak...