Thursday, August 26, 2010

The Fifty-Five Pound Puppy

Meet Denaro.

He is giving this dog a run for his money as Satan's top hench'man.'

Denaro is a big boy. But that doesn't stop him from doing small dog things like climbing ON TOP of the kitchen table so he can more conveniently devour everyone's dinner, knock over the flowers and slobber on the stack of books.

No surface is safe.

Satan's Familiar is of the mind that no surface on his own scruffy body is safe from Denaro, too; S.F. is striving to create a stronger, more durable definition of 'lap dog,' because now that's where wants to be.

So far, Denaro has made Scarlett cry three times and Merrick seven. Not that anyone in her household is anal enough to track these sorts of things. One exuberant jump onto a lap is like a tsunami. With claws.

Now, this is a delicate topic but the Matron --who runs daily with her dog(s)--is accustomed to picking up well-formed, dainty doo left by Satan's Familiar. This drops easily and tidily into a bag, is deposited in yet another bag (her hands cannot come into contact with this substance or she will find one more reason for that institutionalization list) and then dropped into the nearest public receptacle.

Denaro? She thinks a horse is somehow actually creating his poop, sending it through a special Messy Goop Bothers Mary Machine and transferring that substance into the dog's intestines. of course, all that ravioli, milk, oranges, salad and cheetos he ate are a core element of the Messy Goop Bothers Mary Machine.

Matron: "Denaro? Do you want some pudding to go with your cheese sandwich?"

Sometimes she questions her systems of analysis, logic and lifestyle. She paid $350 to purchase an animal who will then eat or attempt to eat $100 worth of groceries whenever possible? Not that she's counting but this could impact the college funds (if they existed in a substantive way).

But Denaro has been adopted three times and returned to the rescue shelter all three; he was nearly 'put down' at the Humane Society the first time he was there. His high energy level, bountiful size and exercise needs rendered him difficult for his former families.

This commitment?

Denaro, honey, it's for a lifetime: yours with us! Welcome to the family, big guy. And pass the butter.


Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

You're a better dog-mama than I am. That said, he is pretty darn cute.

Nora said...

Good for you, Matron. You've got an enormously big heart and I'm so happy for Denaro. My dog climbs on the dining room table too, but I love him nevertheless.

Vivianne said...

This post made me laugh til I cried. Nothing like details of doggy poop for maximum humor, for me ....I AM the lowest common denominator :-D

MJ said...

Thank you, again, for reminding me why I should remain dog-owner-less. I'm not sure I'm up for the commitments you make!

Al said...

I love everything about this post. Amazingly, it makes me want to adopt a dog even more.

Anonymous said...

That's a whole lotta love.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

That's commitment.
And I think the name sounds enough like "Dinero," the Spanish word for money, to have great meaning!