Over the weekend, the Universe handed the Matron yet another lesson: Halloween is really Day of the Dog.
What's not to like, from the canine perspective? There's that doorbell, ringing and ringing and ringing and all those people to bark at!
Even better: there is candy.
If you have 6 and 13 year old boys, they will leave their bags of candy laying around on couches, chairs, and the floor without a second thought. They will pick up a Snickers bar, take a bite and put the bar down, distracted, and walk away. The boys will dump out half a bag of candy to examine the booty and then realize that Malcolm in the Middle is playing on the TV upstairs. They will go up, leaving the candy behind. The 11 year old girl will keep her candy hidden in a secret locale, safely far away both brothers and the dog, and she will also be very aware of the fact that other people's candy is being left out, carelessly, but hers is not.
Because she is female.
Herein lies the secret to the cultural mythology about a boy and his dog. Dogs like boys because boys aren't girls. Boys leave candy on the floor. Girls don't. If you are a dog, this is enough for you.
Now the Matron has a P H D in English Literature and Feminist Studies. She knows she is breaking every rule in the book here. She doesn't care. Hear it again: boys leave candy laying around and girls do not and this is why dogs love boys. There! Essentialism 101!
The weary Matron feels that she has earned the right to stereotype and malign small children. Because if you clean up 100 million tons of dog vomit in one day, why, you have lost a wee bit of your brain in the process.
That's right. Satan's Familiar ate the Halloween candy-- at least one pillowcase FULL of sour and chocolate delight.
Unfortunately he's currently recovering on the bed that Scarlett made for him, complete with pillow, blanket and handy bedside water bowl. Note: the GIRL made the bed. Was in charge of convalescence. Was NOT the cause of problem in the first place.
And tomorrow, that damn dog will return to his position by Merrick's side, waiting for that hot dog to drop.