Tuesday, September 8, 2009

First Day of School!

Oh, the Matron has chills, just typing that title! There is nothing that she does not like about the first day of school: new shoes, still intact; piles of clean notebooks and sharp pencils; crisper air and renewed spirit!

The campus of her little community college is just packed with zeal and commitment! Yes, yes, there are Actual Students. But the bulk are trying their best and some against unspeakable odds (like not having a computer for your online class). There is no room in the parking lot! The library is wall to wall! It if Fall, the season to open the cedar chest and start over.

Today, the Matron nudged her own offspring out into the educational world as well. Terrified.

Just terrified that the state-run PUBLIC school is being tainted by the State, as in federal government. But wait!? Isn't the PUBLIC school part of a state system that's part of a national system and the nation's top gun is the President?! Um. . . don't they make the laws that help govern schools and set state policy up there in Washington? If you go to to a PUBLIC school, hasn't the invasive government sort of shaped every minute of your day ALREADY.

People!

Well of course the President shouldn't say "good luck and work hard!" to students. Now, this sort of insanity terrifies the Matron, the President saying work hard, and all. Remember George W. Bush Sr.? He addressed the school children. Good God - what was she thinking! She should have totally boycotted school that day (her own, that is, being well before children). She must be totally brainwashed at this point, so steeped in public education is she.

Ronald Regan? Yup. Him too. Not only did Ronald Regan give a first day of school pep talk, he actually once referenced a "suppressed study" revealing that "80% of pollution comes not from chimneys and auto exhaust pipes, but from plants and trees." Perhaps that little gem is only logical coming from a President who also thought that "facts are stupid things."

It was totally okay that the intellectually under-endowed President Regan gave advice to vulnerable school children -- but the Harvard educated President should keep his mouth shut.

Despite such insanity, the Matron did indeed send her impressionable children to school for further state indoctrination, starting with Stryker at 7:11 am. This meant the ever-anxious Matron started waking around 5, fearful of missing the bus.

5:02

5:04

5:10

Sigh. . . . the alarm went off at 6:30.

Happy eighth grade, Stryker!

Later, John and the Matron brought the younger set to their hippy dippy groovy PUBLIC Montessori School for further state footprint on forehead. A sixth-grader, Scarlett told her first-grade brother this:

"Sixth-graders rule the school, you know."

Not in the tone of "don't worry baby brother I got your back" but more or less the same threatening tenor she deploys to get him out of her bedroom.

And the Matron and her husband met with the principal about their concern over Merrick's classroom situation, a little pot of worry recently stirred up by the fact that Merrick's best friend is in the same classroom. So her child - -who STILL can't read and doesn't like school -- now conveniently has his best friend to distract him from the fact that he IS in school and should be working -- all day long.

Thank God-Buddha-Allah-Oprah-Universe, the principal is a dream. The Matron feels 100% confident that the school will do its best to help her guy. The Matron herself learned a humble little lesson about jumping to conclusions and giving a teacher a chance. You think she would know better . . but yet . . . not only did she NOT know better than to judge a teacher before giving her a chance, she plans to offer Merrick CASH for school work. Yes! The PhD teacher Matron has no pedagogical resort other than good old fashioned bribery.

Maybe SHE should be the one to address the nation's schoolchildren!? Do you think they take checks?

8 comments:

kmkat said...

Re: bribery as an education tool. My mother was a first grade teacher, and also taught Head Start during the summer back in the 1960s when it was a shiny new program. She found the best way to get her under-motivated students to do their work was to promise (and give) them a quarter upon completion.

Of course, a quarter was worth more back then...

cndymkr / jean said...

Has the Matron been speaking with my Mother?

Yes, the same woman who raised me to believe that hard work was its own reward, has promised (as in wrote a contract) to give my son cash for grades. I want a do over.

Daisy said...

I remember the "killer trees" bit from the Great Communicator. Geez.

ree said...

We have learned the benefits of bribery in the Hotfessional household. Shortman, the university freshman, will receive a trip to his favorite pizza place (60 miles each way) for each Dean's List semester. I won't even tell you what I've promised him for a cum laude graduation - it's far too embarrassing. (We NEVER bribed during grade school or middle school, but I have to admit to 12 packs of Skittles for a B+ in Spanish.)

leafmonster said...

I am bribing my fifth grader just to wake up and get ready for school. It seems to be working so far...

Minnesota Matron said...

Love that I'm not alone with the checkbook!

tammy said...

I signed a form last night to give my 4th grader permission to hear the President's speech. Oy!! Since when did schools ever need to ask permission to share the President's speeches? I'm pretty sure I had Reagan and Bush shoved down my throat, why should it be any different now that we have an effective, articulate, educated person in the office?

Anonymous said...

Bon't feel bad, MIL just bribed HS kids with cold hard cash for A's. To her nothing else will do, I personally think it's a bad idea, but if it motivates these smart but lazy children to act, then AMEN!!!

PS...Shaggy haired boy heard the speech, said what was the big controversy and started a whole period discussion in his US History II class with a truly GREAT teacher he has had before and a very diverse class. Here's to allowing them to have an opinion and questioning others! Bramble