Thursday, August 13, 2009

How the Day Went

Last night found the Matron eating dinner around 8:37 pm. She still had on heels and skirt. Merrick's best friend and future husband, Lachlan, was spending the night --and dying for some action.

Lachlan: "John, will you take us on a walk?"

John: "After I clean the kitchen."

beat, beat goes the clock

Lachlan: "Are you done yet?"

Visual Clue! There is not one inch of empty counter space because MEN have been home alone and in charge of cooking. Plates, pots, pans, utensils --each with varying degrees of content left, half-baked or uneaten, within. There is a layer of Meal (think grime) on stove and the sink is functioning as general dump site.

John: "Not yet, Lachlan."

John ties on his (very manly) cooking and cleaning apron.

beat/beat goes the clock

Lachlan: "Now?"

Mind you, the Matron's hands are not getting messy. In full work regalia, the lovely lady is at the table trying to assess the post-vulture options for dinner. She is eating in the wake of FIVE males, inlcuding one six foot tall teenage boy.

There is not much left. Although she hears Satan's Familiar got a full pork chop when heads were turned. Damn that doorbell.

Lachlan: "John?"

John: "Lachlan, you know how in cartoons sometimes the bunny's head spins around and around and around and his eyes bug out and steam and fireworks come out of his ears?"

Lachlan: "Uh Huh."

John: "That might happen to me. So you better go in the living room because it's sort of dangerous."

Lachlan: "Can't I watch?"

John: "Lachlan."

Lachlan shares Scarlett's steel will (or Scarlett's inability to take not yet for an answer which would require actual physical horrific waiting) so he turns to the Matron.

Lachlan: "Mary will you take Merrick and me on a walk?"

Matron: "It is physically impossible for me to take anyone on a walk because I rose at 6 am, cleaned up Jekyll's night time accident(s), fed the three dogs and forced them outside, picked up and carried the two geriatric dogs back inside and then took Satan's love child on a five mile run so that he could lose five pounds of body weight through poop -- all before eight hours of lectures on technology and teaching (mindomo! Ning! Bing! Twitter and Dvolver and zohono. she is full of .com) followed by a completely fruitless trip to a northern suburb in search of the one item Scarlett wants for her birthday and nobody seems to have, followed by a swing to your house to retrieve two emerging police-fire-superhero-men and I have been gone for nearly 12 hours and have not yet had dinner and am still wearing a skirt. With heels. Which is why I am unable to do the walk thing."

Lachlan: "Is that sort of like your head going round and round?"

Matron: "Exactly!"

Lachlan: "That's actually not so fun to watch. Or very dangerous - John."

Thus deterred, Lachlan heads to the living room where Merrick awaits.

John: "Whatever happened to the simple: no, thank you."

Matron: "The fireworks coming out of your ears while your head spun round hit that simple no, thank you, and knocked it over into the house of someone less exhausted."

Things just got better from there . . . ?


Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

One question has been looming in the forefront of my mind since paragraph one. Do you think Lachlan or Merrick might wear eyeliner some day? 'Cause that? Would be cool. For the first time ever, I'm wishing I'd had a son.

Michele Renee said...

Too funny. I posted today too about the crazy schedule and my cooking each night while still in skirt and heels. I would have told them to ask the teenager.

MJ said...

I think the reference to John's "very manly apron" was important.

Hope tomorrow is less... umm... de-man-ding!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Kudos to you for not throwing a heel at Lachlan.

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The Green Stone Woman said...

I would have asked him why he was so insistent on taking a walk. Couldn't he have entertained himself in some other way?

Amy said...

And this would be why we are the "mean" parents on the block. Kids quake to ask us for a drink of water. OK, maybe not really but I like to pretend its true.