Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Shaking in the Corner


That would be the Matron. Because today? She is on Day One of a three week 'cleansing diet' (okay, she knows there's debate about that but she needed a title in order facilitate Change) that is vegan, with these niceties tossed in:

No more of this!



This! (sniffle)


Or, sigh, this:




Why in the world would she endure such deprivation? Torture? Friends, the Matron is embarrassed to admit this (okay, not so much otherwise she wouldn't be blogging about it, would she?) but, at any given moment, one of those three chemicals stream through the Matronly blood -- at all times! She is never not without alcohol OR caffeine OR sugar. Indeed, just seeing those words lined up together makes her thing those would be very fine ingredients in pie!

Wine, caffeine, and sugar are interchangeable mood-altering substances and she's slipped into one big altered Mood.

So it's plenty of this instead:



And because she is as neurotic and obsessive, as all get out, plenty of these, too!


Six hours in, it is SHOCKING to the Matron to notice how many times she has thought about chocolate. The caffeine hasn't really hit her, but the sugar? Ouch. Suckah punch. Who knew that was the stronger chemical.

The Matron does not recommend you try this at home. It is dangerous! Thankfully, John and one of the Matron's dearest friends (hi Esti!) are also eating bark for the next 21 days. She'll be sure to tell you all about it!

Time for some dandelion greens . . . .

15 comments:

The Gossamer Woman said...

I'd miss the caffeine the most. That would be the hardest for me to give up. I live on coffee and cigarettes.

Tammy said...

Um, good luck?

Becky said...

Good luck, brave one! And yes, caffeine, I think I would miss you most of all.

And the peer pressure is getting to me--seems like everyone in blogworld is doing some kind of cleanse.

BrightenedBoy said...

Good luck with that.

It is tough, isn't it?

After my father was diagnosed with diabetes several years ago, I started trying to be healthier myself. It's something I usually keep up with, but I think I had a little bit too much spaghetti at dinner tonight.

Heather said...

Oh good luck. I sometimes think it would be nice to have a diet of only fruits and veggies, but then I come to my senses and have a glass of wine. Wait! That's a fruit, right?

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

Vaya con God-Oprah-Buddha-Allah-Universe! You can do it.

MJ said...

I can live without wine; I can reduce my coffee intake (which is mornings only now because I can't tolerate it in the afternoon!), but chocolate? Et tu chocolat? I'll easily give up N. American chocolate but Belgian?

Good luck!

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

Why anyone would do this to herself is beyond me. If I were a real-life friend of yours, I would stage an intervention.

Beth said...

I’ve grown rather accustomed (and fond) of my altered mood/moods!
If you survive – with your sanity intact – let us know...

TexasDeb said...

Wow - very ambitious. Fabulous good fortune with this and kudos for having two cleansers in company. Great idea for support.

Memarie Lane said...

I used to work at a spa people came to just to go on this kind of diet, sometimes for weeks at a time. To curb your chocolate craving, try drinking almond milk. To fight your caffeine craving, drink yerba mate tea. Can't help with the wine though. ;)

Amy said...

You are very brave. And maybe just a tad bit stupid? Just kidding but good luck. You are a brave woman.

She She said...

What cleanse are you doing? Did you find it online? Can you share? I don't think I've gone without coffee in over 20 years. Might be a good idea to try.

(And, how is it going, BTW?)

Minnesota Matron said...

SheShe -- I'm doing my own made-up version. This is the second day and I feel, shockingly, sort of normal. I'm eating a vegan diet which means no meat products or byproducts (including cheese and milk) but also no alcohol, caffeine, sugar or wheat! The hardest thing so far has been the sugar. Sigh. But really, so far so good!

Al said...

I've been vegan for about seven years now - easy peasy.

But chocolate, alcohol and caffeine - well, they are my masters whom I adore. Good luck with the cleanse.