Wednesday, January 7, 2009

She Could Use a Tad Less Excitement

Today at 3:32 pm -- a time when Bond should've been safely home, the Matron's cell phone burped the following text message:

"Hi mom. The police are here bc my bus got in a crash. Workers are checking to see who is hurt. Bye."

Can you see all the questions that message begs? How about: OMIGOD ARE YOU OK? which is exactly what the Matron wrote, right back.

He said:

"cant talk bc ambulance might need me."

Now the Matron is thoroughly beside herself. The ambulance might need me? Plus, she is receiving this news while in the midst of retrieving Rhett from school, standing in the throes of hundreds, texting.

She said: "Tell me where u r? Right now, tell me if u r hurt? Really!!!" Yup. She took the time and effort for all those exclamation points.

He said: "I'm okay. It's not a real ambulance I guess. I think it's the bus company."

When everyone finally arrived home -- the Matron, Rhett and Bond nearly an hour later than normal -- and on that bus --- he handed the Matron a crumpled piece of yellow paper that said this:

SCHOOL BUS TRAFFIC ACCCIDENT REPORT TO PARENT/GUARDIAN

Your child was a passenger on a school bus involved in a traffic accident. Your child has been checked by an adult in charge at the scene of the accident and did not appear to be injured. We ask that your monitor your child's activities for possible injury that could have gone undetected.

What really happened? From the bus driver himself and Bond. . . .

Two school busses more or less gently brushed up together, knocking a mirror off of Bond's bus. Nary a child's hair was jostled. In fact, Bond reported that he was utterly unaware the bus had stopped moving until he saw flashing lights. He was reading. The crash happened at the whooping speed of 5 miles an hour, pulling out from a red light. The drivers laughed a bit about bad aim. But the busses DID pull over and the company sent Investigators, who queried each child and felt? For pulse. Well, nearly.

Think hyberpole (as in- other people's) stops here?

At diinner tonight, Bond took a long look at his (free range, local , family farm -- Bob Otis!) cheeseburger and said: "Sorry, Mom, but I can't eat this. My near brush with death has made me a bit queasy."

19 comments:

Laura said...

I was the recipient of the exact same note in the third grade. The bus driver took the turn a little quick and dinged a stop sign. He gave the five of us left on the bus a once over and the note for our parents and we continued on.

Mrs. G. said...

I have no idea where this child gets his drama.

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

Apparently, his...um...suffering has made him more empathetic...

Heather said...

So the boys have the tendency toward drama too eh?

JCK said...

Hysterical. He is. Well, after you know he is fine.

M said...

Damn it, without the Bus Driver's testimony he had a good story to tell and could've milked his 'near death experience' for weeks.

phd in yogurtry said...

They are certainly thorough, if not so good at driving busses.

Jennifer said...

What a funny kid!
Smart too.
At least your kids aren't boring.

Lynda said...

Your kids really crack me up!

Miss Grace said...

He has excellent comedic timing.

Kelly said...

Can he slide that cheeseburger my way, because that sounds delish.

Too dang funny!

Julie said...

That is hilarious!

distracted by shiny objects said...

This boy needs hourly extensive neuro checks including a bright piercing light to check his pupils. STAT!!! Just to yank his chain. Should quickly improve his appetite:>)

thefirecat said...

At least they're covering their butts, insurance-wise.

My brush with death? That kid cracks me up.

I'm having a hard time adjusting to the translations, though. Will take time.

Becky said...

I too got the exact same note one day in the fall, and you got a lot more details on the brush with death than I did.

Glad everyone is ok!

kmkat said...

That's better than my kids' bus driver, who used to think of stop signs more as potential suggestions than as actual commands to cease forward motion. Thank FSM I only ever got one of those notes. The next one would have been the lead story on the 6 o'clock news. "School bus runs stop sign; 3 dead and 24 injured"

Daisy said...

My son was the ONLY kid on the Head Start bus when it was rearended on its way to his day care. Ironically, they couldn't reach me at first because I was on the phone - to the school board, calling in support of the local Head Start program.
Day care checked him over; he was fine and dandy.

Lisa Wheeler Milton said...

Oh I love the drama.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

If you want drama over nothing, get yourself to Camp Snoopy at Mall of America and as a security guard for a bandaid. They sent paramedics. Really.

Glad it was nothing.