Friday, December 5, 2008

More on the High-End Offspring She's Raising

The Matron has expressed recent concern regarding Merrick's reading abilities, or more appropriately, lack thereof. Her recent teaching experiences, combined with Merrick's disinterest in all things Academe, have rendered the Matron seriously concerned for this 5 year old's future!

So . . . yesterday, packed all sardine-like onto the freeway and going just about that pace (the dead salty ones, that is), her instructional impulses were piqued when Merrick said: "Mama? Does that license pwate spell cow?"

H W A 4 8 1

Matron: "No, that doesn't spell cow. License plates don't spell words -- but (insert inspiration!) we can read the letters and numbers. What letters do you see?"

Merrick: "Q? Is the fwist one Q?"

Matron: "It makes an huh sound. Like HAmburger. Try again."

Merrick: "B?"

Scarlett: "Don't even bother, Mama. He's hopeless."

After an agonizing romp through three letters (he knew A), the Matron inquired after the first number? 4

Merrick: "B?"

Small silence while the Matron wondered if her bloodline was headed to Planet Ivy.

Merrick: "Mama? What's the B wowd? Can I say the B wowd?"

Hmmmmm. . . child unable to and uninterested in reading, makes Inquiry into the Word. Doesn't matter which one - does it?

Matron: "Yes! Yes, you can say the B word. You can spell it. Sound it out."

Merrick (JOY): "Weally?"

Matron: "The B word is B - itch. What do you think that second letter is. iii sound.

Scarlett: "Mom! You're teaching him to swear!"

Merrick: "Is the lettew a A?"

And so it went, through the traffic jam, two B words ("What's the letter that sounds like ah?"), one D word and one A word, arriving home just before running out of fairly harmless language choices.

Profanity as pedagogical tool! Now there's high end parenting. Today, he asked for another. The Matron gave that child the all time, most dangerous BAD swear word- ever.

"Frankenberry! Frankenberry is the WORST. Merrick, don't ever ever say that in public! Now what letter does that start with? FFFFF sound?"

Merrick lit up like a Christmas tree. "Q?"

13 comments:

Nora Bee said...

I think he is a GENIUS.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Whatever it takes.

Don't lose hope. MVP couldn't read until the end of 1st grade. He scored a 5 on the AP English Exam as a junior and rocked a 750 (sans studying) on the verbal portion of the SAT.

It's hard for those of us who were early readers, and had other kids that were early readers, to panic--but really, it'll come.

The Finely Tuned Woman said...

I don't know. I've never encountered this problem before. I come from a family of early readers. I bet it will clear up by first grade. I wouldn't worry about it yet. Worry about it after he is six. He doesn't seem to make the connection yet. It's early days.

Ree said...

Man, he would so do well on Mute Monday! Think of the photos he could stump us all with.

Of course, my word verification is iblestud. Which I first read as ablestud. Because, y'know.

Mrs. G. said...

It's all about motivation isn't it? I guarantee you asshole will be a big hit.

kmkat said...

Trying to decide whether I would have wanted you to teach my kids to read. Hmmmm. Sure, why not?!

Jason, as himself said...

Clever!

Sometimes it just takes a while for kids to "click".

Have you ever read Leo the Late Bloomer?

PicaboMama said...

My daughter does this frequently, but she really does know most of the letters and numbers. She finds it amusing. It's her version of wordplay, masquerading as parental button pushing. I bet Merrick is too busy observing life to be bothered with traditional academic performance.

drawer queen said...

My son, number three after one sort of and one very well read daughter still does not like reading and continues to thrill me with lines like
"Mountains is pretty" in his 7th grade poetry assignment. I hope to hell his personality will carry him through.

Heather said...

My son is the same way. Argh.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

The B-word. I had a feeling I knew where that was going...

justhay said...

Take your mind off it Mary. Check out this link, sixth photo along ;)
Can he spell rabies? *grin*

http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/your-shot/daily-dozen

distracted by shiny objects said...

Perhaps he just instinctively knows the special words that will help him traverse the challenging highways and byways of this crazy life. He is simply girding his loins earlier rather than than later. Good for him. Very pro-active move:>)